


When you walked into my life

by Writelikethat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Time, Hurt Castiel, Light Angst, M/M, Older Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Younger Castiel (Supernatural), teenage cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-04-21 22:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14294466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writelikethat/pseuds/Writelikethat
Summary: Dean Winchester is a respected and hard man. He constantly works and has everything he need in life. His weak spot is all about the lost things, so when a stranger walks down the road in pouring rain, who is he to drive by? Castiel is scrawny and young, running away from home, and Dean knows he should let him go. Knows its the right thing to do. So why can't he let Cas go?





	1. Chapter 1

Dean drove home from town after the longest and most chaotic day in a long while. It just hadn’t been his day ever since he woke up to find that he was all out of coffee. His day had kept going downhill after that. It had been a sprained ankle on one of his riders, then a door in his barn suddenly hopped off its hinges and then he had to drive into town to meet with a client. It just hadn’t been great. And on top of that it started raining while he was headed for his car wearing only a shirt.

He had turned up the music in his car as well as the heater blasting hot air into his face. He was cold and even if he was used to quite a bit, this was one of those days where he couldn’t wait to turn off the lights and close his eyes. 

That’s why it didn’t make sense. When he noticed the guy walking on the side of the road, he felt a pang of regret and pity. It was pouring down by now and Dean was in a black mood. He rarely made an effort for others in a good mood, let alone if he was upset about something. 

Only, the boy looked drenched, he walked briskly as if he hoped for shelter a bit further down the road. Which he wouldn’t find, Dean knew this. His dark hair clung to his skull and he hunched in on himself, probably freezing already. 

“What the hell.” Dean muttered sourly and slowed down the car. The boy broke into a trot. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t run off. I can take you if you need to go somewhere.” Dean said in a hard tone. The guy just threw a glance his way, pursed his lips and kept jogging. 

There was a little backpack on his back, and he was probably some runaway or whatever. Now that he’d stopped, though, Dean wouldn’t be brushed off like that. 

“Come on, it’s pouring down, you’re gonna get sick.”

The dark hair waved around his head as the boy shook it violently. Dean rolled his eyes. Teenagers. Thankfully, Dean had a lot of experience with this kind of thing, having a younger brother who had been an expert on opposition during his teenage years. 

“Tell you what. You get two choices. One, you can keep walking ahead until you fall down and probably freeze half to death by morning, or two, you can get into this car and I’ll not even ask questions.” Dean promised. The guy slowed down a little. 

Then he stopped all of a sudden, staring at Dean with bright and surprisingly blue eyes. His head tilted slightly to the side as he regarded him, then he nodded. 

“No, questions.” He rasped and Dean furrowed his brow, already regretting his promise. 

He hurried to put a plastic bag over the car seat in order to prevent it getting soaked. The guy got into his car and clung to his backpack for dear life. Dean pulled up the side window and drove off. 

“So I’m Dean.” There was no response. 

“Where can I drive you?” Dean asked and looked expectantly at the shivering mess by his side. That earned him an unimpressed look. 

“Right, no questions. Well, I’ll drive ahead and you just let me know when you want me to stop.” He tried. 

The drive back to his place wasn’t very far away. Dean opted to turn up the music and try to shake the bad feeling this day had left him with. He didn’t know why he picked up this stranger, but going through rough times was something Dean had first-hand experience with, so maybe that was it. 

Dean tapped along to a rhythm so familiar it was practically carved into his bones. It was getting darker outside and he tried not to think of all the things he had to get done before going to bed. His phone vibrated with an incoming call and he picked it up.

“Yeah?”

“I’m almost home, Sammy where’s the fire?” Dean sighed. His brother was too worked up about his dely. 

“Of course I remembered. It’s in the back of the truck. I thought you were home by now.”

Sam told him a bit annoyed that things hadn’t turned out to plan for him either and Dean wondered if it was something in the air. He glanced to his passanger.

As Dean came to his own driveway he looked over at the boy in the seat next to him. He still clutched his backpack, hunched over toward the heater, fast asleep. 

Dean had a feeling this one didn’t even know where he was going, probably throwing a tantrum and running away. With a sigh, Dean just made the turn and didn’t stop until he parked outside one of his stables. He sent one last glance at the sleeping body before jumping out. 

Sam strode toward him and started unloading the truck without a word. 

“So, Ruby’s mad at me now?”

“You’re the one who didn’t come home in time.” Sam snapped. Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t bring me into your fighting, Sam. I’m not to blame here. You could just have gone home in time!”

“Yeah, well, didn’t want to.” He muttered and Dean had to smile at that. 

Ruby had insisted she and Sam should start doing more for the community, and now she draggied him along to all kinds of fundraisers and charities. Dean found it hilarious watching Sam trying to find excuses not to go. 

After they had carried the heavy sacks of food into the stable Sam sighed in resignation and headed to his car. Dean glanced over at the truck and decided he should just give in. 

He opened the driver’s door and looked inside. The poor boy was still sleeping. 

“Hey, wake up!”

After a few tries his eyes opened a fraction, until he registered they had stopped and they snapped open looked wildly around. 

“Calm down. You were sleeping so I brought you back to my place. Now, it’s late and I don’t want any protest so just come inside and have a change of clothes at least.” He tried to sound friendly, but knew it turned out more harsh than necessary. The guy swallowed audibly, but nodded as he scrambled for the door handle. 

Dean grabbed his keys and his bag and led the way. Once they entered the house a dog screeched to a halt on front of the newcomer, sniffing him all over. The guy reached out a hand and Dean's dog happily licked it.  
"His name is, Cassie." Dean announced and the guy turned to look at him with wide eyes. Dean shrugged with a little smile. 

His living space was on the second floor of the main house. The first floor had been turned into office and a guest room. Dean didn’t need all that space so he’d decided to just live upstairs and make use of the house in more ways. 

Neither of them talked until Dean had turned on the lights in his living room. A small black kitten miaued and stretched on her place on the couch. The boy’s head immediately snapped in that direction and Dean chuckled. 

“You’re not scared of cats are you?”

The by now familiar glare was turned in his direction and Dean just smirked in return. He wouldn’t be fazed by his temper. 

“Alright, I’ll go and find something for you to wear. Call her Trojan.” He nodded at the cat and it looked as if the guy was about to say something, to protest, but Dean just headed toward his bedroom. 

Dean wouldn’t let him be cold and wet. Since he’d already made the decision of helping this guy, then he’d have to go through with it too. 

When he returned with a pair of black sweats and a gray shirt the guy stared at him with wide eyes, flickering between the clothes and just away from Dean. 

“Hey. I’m not going to make you stay if you don’t want to. Honestly, all I wanted was to help. You’re soaking wet, it’s dark outside and there is a fair bit of road before you get to any houses.” He received a curt nod, if a little less tense. He held out the clothes and ice cold fingers brushed his. Dean tried not to flinch. 

“Bathroom is that way. I have to head downstairs for a bit, got some work to do.” He added that he should just take a shower and the guy actually blushed. He turned away fast enough so Dean just pretended he hadn’t noticed. 

Dean waited until he heard water started to run in his bathroom before heading downstairs. He’d left out a bowl of soup, with a note that he should eat. 

Even if Dean had intended to just get some food, laze around for a bit before bed he thought that giving the strange boy some space might actually help him to loosen up a bit. Hopefully he’d talk a little if he didn’t get pressured. Dean was in no way going to ask why he left, but he thought maybe he should make sure nothing bad happened. 

He may be really naïve and a little stupid to leave a stranger alone in his home, but that’s just the way he was. Dean knew a little bit about being left to his own devices, and he felt he was good at reading people, enough so that he didn’t think this guy would cause any trouble.

In his office downstairs Dean found a number of e-mails needing answers, it was late so he didn’t get interrupted so much by phone calls. After well over half an hour he was nearly done with his mail. He then got back to working on a schedule for his workers. Most of them came in every day even if they didn’t have to. All of them eager to keep working on their animals and Dean was grateful for that. 

Word was that Dean as a businessman was a hard nut. He didn’t take any nonsense, he didn’t care for lazy people and mistakes couldn’t happen more than once. He would fire people he didn’t find cut for the work, and he didn’t care what people thought of it.

Dean and Sam had inherited their father’s work when he passed away. Or, Dean had, long before that. Their grandfather had started this business, where he bought horses, trained them to be champions on the race field. John had taken over when Thomas had gotten sick and he’d run the stables as best he could. Things had been difficult for a long time. Mary died when Sam was just a baby, and John never really recovered. For a long time during his boy’s childhood he’d been drinking and wasting away. 

The place barely made it, but Dean was interested. He loved the horses, the atmosphere around the stables and with the races. He started working at the age of thirteen, Bobby, their old friend, had helped him out a lot, and by the time Dean was nineteen he was practically running the place by himself. John got back on his feet, but he didn’t have power in this world anymore. Others didn’t trust him and as a result he backed down. 

Dean had a couple of weeks until the season started that things were calm. Or at least as calm as they would get in his stables. He didn’t have to travel in the next two weeks. With that thought he suddenly remembered that he had a guest, so he closed down and made his way up there. 

When he entered there was the faint sound of a spoon scraping in the bottom of a bowl. Dean padded through the living room and into the kitchen. The guy turned around slowly and looked at him with weary eyes. Dean had to tell his body to move, to walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter. He was met with a pair of startlingly blue eyes, who bore into his. Black hair which had been drenched and flat, stood out in every direction, adding to the look of deliberate innocence. Dean wasn’t sure why he was taking him in so much, and told himself to stop. 

“Good to see you ate something. Do you want coffee? Hot chocolate? Beer?” He watched him and when he mentioned beer his head snapped all the way up, as did his eyebrows. 

“You want beer?” He asked with a small grin. 

After a short pause the guy shook his head and retreated back into himself.

Dean grabbed a bottle and took a long swig. What was he even doing here? The guy was probably not even old enough to drink yet. Dean let out a groan, which ended in him clearing his voice. 

“Okay, mister. I’ll… I have an extra room where you could sleep. I won’t question anything you do, but if you leave, please let me know. Because otherwise I’m just gonna worry, so… we have a deal?” He tried sounding and looking stern and eventually he got a nod for his troubles. 

“Follow me then.”

Dean showed him around and the guy disappeared into the bedroom immediately. Dean made his way to the tv, as he got comfortable on the couch his three legged cat curled up on top of his chest. He scratched her absently and watched a show for a while. 

 

The next morning Dean woke up early as his clock chimed. On autopilot he made coffee and enjoyed the first sip followed by a yawn before making his way toward the bathroom. 

He stopped short as he walked past his living room. There, on his couch was a sleeping boy with the black cat curled tightly to his chest. He looked peaceful and warm, which made Dean feel a little better. It was hard to tell why he felt like that, but Dean wasn’t about so kick him out if he didn’t want to go. 

Dean made his way downstairs. Worked for a little while until Sam arrived. Tired and smiling. 

“So she made it worth your while, then?” Dean asked with a smirk. 

“Shut up.” Sam huffed but his smile didn’t exactly deny it. And honestly, Sam had to be with her for a reason. Dean didn’t exactly dislike Ruby, but he didn’t really think she was the perfect match for his brother. 

Dean contemplated telling his brother about his visitor upstairs, but he decided against it. Instead he kept working until lunch time before going upstairs. 

The tv was on, but the guy was laid out on the couch in much the same way he had been that morning. When Dean started scrambling around in the kitchen he eventually heard movement from the next room. 

Just as Dean was about to sit down by the table the boy showed up in the doorway. He looked weary as he watched Dean with bleary eyes. 

“Good morning.” Dean said. “You want some eggs? I made enough for you too.”

The boy carefully padded into the room and inspected the pan with eggs. Dean tried not to watch him too much and counted it as a win when he loaded a plate and came to sit down. 

“Listen.” Dean began after a while. 

“I know I promised no questions, and I stand by it. However, I would like to know your name.”

For a moment blue eyes bored into his and Dean was a little startled at their brightness. He still looked nervous. 

“My name is Castiel.” He said eventually. Voice scratchy and quiet. 

“Thank you. Nice to put a name to the face.” Dean smiled. 

When Dean didn’t say anything else it looked like Castiel relaxed a bit and soon he was back to eating his food. After Dean cleared the table, put the dishes in the sink and refilled his coffee cup. 

“Let me know if you want me to show you around. The place is pretty big, if you feel the need to explore.” Dean told him before heading back downstairs. 

 

Dean called it a day and headed upstairs to have dinner. Dean first noticed how quiet the place was, and dark. The tv was still playing in the living room and when he entered it was to the same scene as earlier. This poor guy had to be absolutely exhausted if he just slept all the time. 

He decided not to wake him and started on the dinner instead. He wondered what had gotten into him. Why did he bring a stranger into his home like this? It shook with everything in his life. Because Dean was accustomed to the peace and quiet of his home. He wanted that after years of living on top of his brother. He wouldn’t have changed that no matter what, but now that he knew his brother did good on his own, he wanted his place to be left alone. 

Instead he went and brought this kid into it, and this kid didn’t even want to talk! There was no doubt he needed the help, but why on earth did it have to be Dean? 

Now that he was there, though, Dean couldn’t find it in him to kick him out again. He would just have to work on it and try getting this guy to talk. Eventually he could move him downstairs at least. But for now, he felt more in control of this stranger in his home. 

After dinner when Dean was about to get ready for bed, Castiel came into the kitchen. He stood awkwardly and watched while Dean finished tidying. 

“Anything you want?” He asked. 

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek, looking uncertain. Dean watched him for a moment until he nodded and sat down by the kitchen table. Castiel sat down too. He folded his hands on top of the table, then moved them away and into his lap. All the while not actually looking Dean into his eyes. 

“Look, Castiel. I get that this isn’t exactly easy for you. I’m not gonna judge you, or kick you out. I do think that we should talk at some point because… Well I’m not too keen on having the cops at my door thinking I kidnapped you, or something.” Dean trying for a joke.

Castiel followed his every word and Dean once again wondered what kind of guy this was. He acted so serious and quiet. 

“I got kicked out. From home, I mean. They don’t miss me.” He said, voice barely more than a whisper. 

Dean looked at him. He looked confused and scared. 

“I’m sorry about that.” 

For a long time Castiel just continued wringing his hands in his lap, looking uncomfortable and nervous. Dean decided to wait it out. If growing up with Sam had given him any knowledge at all about teenagers, then he would talk eventually. If he wasn’t pressured too hard.

“I don’t know what to do.” The quiet whisper was barely heard over the soft hum of Dean’s refrigerator. Castiel had lowered his head so the only thing Dean could see was a mop of messy dark hair. He hunched in on himself and Dean itched to reach out. Only this guy looked like he would jump off his seat if Dean touched him. 

“Hey, hey, relax. We’ll figure it out, man. Don’t worry. I know a little bit about being lost. I’m not going to kick you out, you can stay until you get some things back on track.” Dean told him in a soothing voice. 

While he spoke Dean’s head kept shouting questions about why the hell he promised to help this kid, and even more so, let him stay there! None of that showed on his face, though, and Dean shut it out, because, he wanted to help him. This devastated insecure young man. 

Like he said, he knew a little bit about being lost, so maybe he related and wanted to help out. 

“Are you sure? You don’t even want to ask why my parents kicked me out?” Castiel asked. Eyes wide and a little puffy with unshed tears. He looked like he worked hard to keep them in. 

“Sure, do you want to tell me?” Dean tried for a lighter tone. 

“No. Not particularly.”

Dean huffed a laugh which had Castiel tilting his head just so. 

“Fine, then we’ll get to that. Unless you did something illegal, then I might have to rethink a bit.” Dean added as an afterthought. It just didn’t feel like this guy was a criminal. 

Castiel nodded slowly. 

“Are you just going to take my word for it?” 

Dean took a deep breath. 

“Yes, because if you did do something illegal, then I bet your picture would have been up on the news or something. I’ve been looking after a missing persons file on you, I’m sorry your family is treating you this shitty.” Dean mumbled and Castiel looked away again.


	2. New beginnings

Castiel started talking a little bit more after that. It was usually just a comment here and there, and he also said he wanted to wait a little until he went around the grounds. 

Castiel didn’t eat much, but he always cleaned up after. He insisted that was the least he could do for staying there, so Dean let him. 

It had almost been a week since Dean brought Castiel to his place and he was in a meeting all morning. Usually he would come upstairs to have some lunch or at least to check in on Castiel, but he didn’t have the time. He knew he were treating the guy like a little kid, but the helplessness and the way he looked all kinds of lost made Dean feel bad for him.

For some reason Dean hadn’t told Sam about his guest. It was part because they both were really busy and had barely seen each other all week, at least not in a situation where he could tell him. Dean could have called, of course, but he hadn’t and he was not going to question why that was. 

So when the door to his place upstairs opened and a young guy came downstairs, Sam stared at his brother with surprise and annoyance.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Sam asked and the both got up and stepped outside. Castiel stood awkwardly by the stairs watching the scene and it looked like he already regretted coming downstairs. 

“What’s going on?” Sam asked. 

“Nothing.”

Sam almost rolled his eyes, but stared expectantly at his brother, waiting for him to continue. 

“It’s not what you think.”

“Right, Dean. When a guy, a very young guy I might add, comes down your stairs in the middle of the day. How can I not think what I think?”

“Because, that would be assuming.”

“Or, it would be relying on previous experiences.”

“This has never happened before.” Dean insisted in a hushed whisper. 

“I know, you never bring them here. So tell me what’s so special about this one?” Sam hissed. 

“What’s your problem? I helped him the other day when I saw him walking on the side of the road. He was drenched and it was dark out.” Dean explained. 

Somehow that explanation made Sam’s face turn all understanding and soft. Dean wanted him to go back to the pissed off face. This, this was not a look Dean wanted to be associated with. 

Because Sam always insisted that underneath Dean was a softie. Someone who couldn’t stay away from helping others, but that wasn’t the truth at all. Dean didn’t help anyone but himself and his immediate family. And those who eventually got under his skin. And stray dogs, or cats. Just… normal stuff. He didn’t run around saving people. That was not his business at all. Everybody knew that. He even had a reputation of being a hard man to work with. 

“Fine. We can talk more about this later, okay? Let’s just finish this meeting.” Sam said and went back into the others. 

Dean walked over to Castiel. 

“Hi. You’re up early.” He said with a smile. 

Castiel looked around with a little nod. Dean followed his gaze and wondered what he thought about the place. 

One side of the living room were made into a sort of conference room, because Dean wanted to be able to have the meetings in a nice environment instead of schedule time somewhere in the city. Further down his own office had windows overlooking the front yard. 

On the other side of the room was a little kitchen in the corner, with a pretty large table in comparison. This was where Dean liked to gather his co –workers for staff meetings. He didn’t let them run in and out of the place outside of meetings or the occational party, so one of the stables had a nice staff room too. 

Next to the kitchen were a door leading into a guest room. The room was large and had an adjacent bathroom and even a little kitchenette just in case. Dean hadn’t really had guests there apart from once or twice when a business partner had needed a place to stay and didn’t get a room in the city. 

“So, I just got to finish up this meeting and I can show you around.” Dean tried to catch his eyes. 

Castiel nodded again. 

“Sure.” 

Then he walked ahead to the kitchen area. His back straight and mop of dark hair characteristically messy. On the wall between the kitchen and the guestroom stood a book shelf filled mostly with books about what they did. Horses, races and how to train them. Dean watched Castiel run his fingers over the backs of some of them, reading the titles but never picking them out. The same thing he’d done upstairs. Dean found he was itching to ask questions. 

Instead he went back into the meeting. He was a bit more distracted and Sam kept throwing him glances. Both because he was trying to look understanding of something and also because he needed Dean in on this. 

They were going to sell one of their horses in training. It was still young, and had proven a little difficult to train. The buyer was a very respectable man with large stables known for training stubborn stallions. If they made the sale, it would give them a lot to go on for the upcoming season with race fees and bets to place. 

 

After, when they had written their names on the contract, made some small talk and shook every hand around the table, they were finally alone. Dean unbuttoned the two first buttons on his shirt with a sigh. Sam frowned. 

“So are we going to talk now?”

“No. I need coffee, and I promised I would show him around. But I can introduce you if you get a kick out of it.”

Sam didn’t answer but followed Dean into the kitchen. Castiel sat in one of the chairs with a book. So he had finally decided to take a look. Dean asked him if he wanted coffee, and started filling three cups. 

“This is my brother, Sam.” Dean said as he handed him the coffee. 

Castiel glanced up at Sam a little nervously, but when Sam reached out a hand to say hello, Castiel got up on his feet, grabbed his hand and said his name. 

Dean was sure that this guy had manners much more refined than the brothers were used to. Sure, they knew how to deal with fancy people, but that was after years and years spent watching and making an effort to get a foot in with their work. 

Race tracks were always crawling with the richest peoples. Dean had made a sport of it at some point to charm the ladies, but eventually grew tired. At least they taught him a lot of things, on various areas, which he was grateful for. 

Sam didn’t have any qualms about the question-thing, so he immediately started digging. Dean wasn’t sure whether to stop him or cross his fingers that the guy would give something away. 

“Are you from around here?” Sam asked. 

Castiel sipped his coffee and nodded. 

“Alright, so have you been up here before?” Sam gestured to the place around them, to which Castiel said a simple no. 

Sam had always been too nosy for his own good, but sometimes it came in handy. Dean led the way outside and toward one of the stables while Sam kept asking questions that only got short answers. 

“My brother and I run this place, but he’s probably told you all about it. Do you like horses?”

“Horses are nice.” Castiel said politely. He looked tense as he dutifully answered Sam’s every question as blunt as possible. 

“Everyone likes horses.” Sam said jovially. His smile bright and his resolve still strong even if he didn’t get much response from the other guy. 

“So are you in college or what do you do?”

“Mm, yes, in college.”

Dean sent a surprised glance in Castiel’s direction. It was returned with a slightly desperate one and Dean decided to step in. 

“Sammy, you’ve just met him, you’re not best friends.” He said. 

Sam pursed his lips, but muttered something about being a protective ass. 

“Ruby told me you are expected at the fundraiser tonight.” Sam retaliated.

“Hah, no way.” Dean said. They had stopped in front of the main stable and Sam huffed. 

“Dean, you know how it goes. You have to meet up a few times a year, or she’ll never let me off the hook.” Sam pleaded. 

“Yeah, well, you get a nice reward for your efforts, I’m only ever robbed for money whenever I go.”

“Right.” Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Tonight, at eight. Be there.” He strode off without letting his brother get another word in and Dean knew he had to go. He always did. With a sigh he was about to open the door when the thundering sound of galloping hoofs sounded from the side of the building. Castiel turned fast and stared wide eyed. 

“This way. Here is our training track.” 

Dean showed the way to the side of the building where two horses ran around the track with their jockeys hunched over the neck. Castiel let out a long breath and Dean looked at him. His shoulders tense, but his face relaxed a little when he realized where the noise came from. Castiel stood still watching as the two horses galloped around the track once more. 

Dean followed the round and was pleased to note that they kept up well with each other. The competition between his two jockeys probably melted over onto the horses. 

In the middle of the track was a nice green patch. When the weather was nice and Dean knew he would spend a longer time by the tracks, he would go and sit there. In his teens he’d built a few seats there and he’d also planted a few low trees and some flowers to make it look nice. 

Their trainer stood by the finish line ready with the clock. Dean could see she were happy with the times and he already knew from the way the horses moved that this was a good one. 

“These are my two champions at the moment. We have a couple more, but these are the favorites.” Dean explained. Castiel nodded. 

 

“This is our main stable. This is where our most priced runners stand.” Dean led Castiel into the place and gestured around a while later. They had taken a round on the outside, looking at the tracks, then Dean pointed out some of the houses around, the gardens where the horses walked outside, and tracks leading to smaller roads to take the horses out for a treck in the woods or down the road.

Castiel looked around, taking it all in. The place was roomy, warm and with high ceilings. Two large horses were tied up in the middle, with two tiny people standing next to them arguing. 

“You never had a chance, Kev.” Jo’s happy voice sounded loud and clear. 

“You cheated!” Kevin yelled back and Dean shushed them. 

“Are you trying to give the animals a heart attack?” He asked. “Screaming has no place in the stables.” He reprimanded. 

Jo giggled and came over to them, face bright in pleased grinning. 

“Dean. I beat Kev this morning.” She announced. 

“So I gathered. But I remember what happened yesterday, so just get your ass back in there and do your job.” He said good heartedly and she just huffed. 

“Sam tells me you have to go to the fundraiser tonight.”

“Oh yeah?”

“She’s a terror, that woman, isn’t she?” Jo laughed uncaringly at Kevin’s sour comment. They always bickered like a couple of children. 

“Let me know if you need a date.” She told him in a hushed tone, leaning closer. 

“Jo, this is Castiel.” Dean diverted.

Both she and Kevin let their eyes run over him. 

“You’re not a new jockey, are you? No offence, but you look like you’ve still got some growing to do.” Jo was on a roll and Dean gave her a stern look. 

“No, he’s not. I’m showing him around, he’s staying with me.” He told them easily. 

All the while Castiel had followed the interaction with interest. He nodded at them both, but didn’t say anything. 

He was quiet until they came back in, then he started asking questions about the stables, about the jockeys and last about what Dean’s work was. 

“I’ll make you a deal. You get to ask two questions for each question I get to ask.”

Castiel seemed to contemplate this for a moment, then he nodded.

“Alright, go ahead.” Dean told him. 

Castiel had two questions about the meeting earlier and Dean answered as much as he could. 

“What do you study?” Dean asked. 

Castiel squirmed in his place. 

“Uh… Originally I was meant to study religion and history, but then I changed my major to… become a veterinary. So my parents stopped paying for my tuition.”

Dean wanted to say something, to be mad and tell Castiel that his parents were all kinds of wrong, but he guessed the guy knew that. And besides, he hadn’t gotten more than one question, one which Castiel had answered with a full long sentence. 

Castiel had two questions about Sam after that, to which Dean let him know that Sam was absolutely a menace, but that he was also the best brother one could ask for. Castiel smiled a little at that, but mostly just looked confused. 

“You changed your major, was that the reason you were kicked out?” Dean landed on. It probably was too close and too soon, but he couldn’t help it. 

“No. But it happened at the same time.” Castiel chewed his lip looking like he considered telling Dean more, but decided against it. Dean didn’t press for more. 

After when Castiel asked if Dean and Sam owned the place alone Dean told him a little about his history. How he lost his parents, and that they took over eventually. Now they owned the place, but Bobby, Ellen and Jody was a big part of their team along with Victor and Rufus. 

Dean got up after that and Castiel asked if he didn’t want his question. 

“No. I have to get ready, besides, I don’t want to ask a lot of questions you feel obliged to answer.” Dean really wanted to build trust between them, and negotiating for answers could work out for the simple questions, but not if they really wanted to talk to each other.

Castiel studied him for a long time before nodding with a little smile. 

 

Dean gave in and went to the fundraiser with his brother. He wanted to be mad at that woman who had her claws in his brother’s arms. They looked great together, no doubt, but Dean couldn’t find it in him to think they were the greatest match. 

Dean had dressed in a pair of black jeans and a blue sweater with a shirt underneath. He looked presentable and professional, he knew. And he also was a little confused after catching Castiel staring a little too long at his backside. The guy had blushed furiously and busied himself with petting the cat. Dean was pleased that Castiel liked his appearance but wouldn’t admit it even with his last breath. Because his brother would kill him. He was already nagging about him living with a teenager, if Sam caught on to that Dean found the guy interesting, he would probably take him away and make him stay with him instead. 

So Dean forced it down. It was nothing. Anyone would be pleased to note that someone as young as Castiel could find Dean attractive at his age. Dean knew he looked good, but he also realized that he was past thirty now and couldn’t expect just anybody to like his looks. 

Instead he made an effort to stay at the fundraiser, chat with people, and donate as little money as he could get away with. Simply because he didn’t love these kind of gatherings. It felt a little hypocritical. Rich people spending buckets of money on food, make up, dresses and then just drizzle a tiny sprinkle on some ‘good cause’ to feel better about themselves. 

Dean had been on the outside most of his life, and he knew what it took to get to the inside. He wasn’t always sure it was worth it. 

 

After the first day when Dean had showed Castiel the place he wanted to come along more often. And eventually he got to meet those who worked there, the people close to Dean and all of the horses. 

Dean carefully asked Castiel about college and if he still wanted to attend. The semester was already well on the way, but he could save up some money and start the next one. At first Castiel didn’t want to talk about it. Dean suggested that he worked around the stables if he wanted to earn some money, and a few days after that Castiel brought it up again asking what he could be working on. 

“I… I’m not very good at a lot of stuff, but… um, I want to try.” He said.

Dean helped him to what he could try out and then arranged for Jody to take him around the place and show him what to do. 

Castiel seemed to grow in the next week. He woke up with more enthusiasm, he ate better and he wasn’t one to lag behind on anything. Dean’s kitten had taken to follow him around and people started to talk to him, include him in their conversations and work. 

It was all a good thing for all of them, Castiel admitted he wanted to go back to college once he had the necessary means and Dean promised to help him out. 

Dean worked longer hours now that the season would soon be on the way. He had meetings with sponsors, made sure he overlooked the trainings and admitted them to races he knew they could handle. 

Being the boss Dean also tried to be visible around the place. He took a tour around the grounds at least once a day, chatted with everyone, from the jockeys, the stable workers and his co-owners.  
Sam was around most of the time too and it was the morning before Dean had to go away for two days on business. 

“Jody is in control of this, Dean.” Sam assured him. 

“I know, but I would still like to see for myself.” Dean huffed. One of the horses had gotten a tiny wound above one of its hoofs and Dean knew these things had a habit of escalating if not properly taken care of. 

When they reached the stable with the grey horse Dean stopped. Jody sat next to it, washing the area while Castiel followed her instructions carefully. They both looked up; Jody with a tight smile and Castiel with soft eyes. 

He’d told Dean he wouldn’t like to be too close to the horses, as he wasn’t familiar with them and not sure how they’d react. And here he was hunched down by the hoofs. Dean smiled. If the guy wanted to be a vetrinary he would need to be close to the animals, and the guy clearly loved them.

“How does it look?” He asked. 

“It’s not so bad once we clean it out. I have to wash it twice a day and cover it with bandage. I think this will settle.” She said. Dean stepped into the room, giving the horse a friendly stroke down her flank as he crouched down beside Jody and Castiel to take a look. 

It was clean and right now he knew there wasn’t much else they could do. The horse was useless in competition until it was entirely healthy so he nodded and handed the bandage to Castiel.

Castiel rolled the bandage around the foot with nimble fingers and when he stood up he looked like a proud child. Dean smiled. 

“Let me know if anything changes.” 

Sam was quiet as they made the way back outside, but he stopped his brother once they were by the cars. 

“Dude, you got a situation.”

“Huh?” Dean was already busy, thinking about a phone call he needed to make. 

“Castiel. He’s got a major crush on you.”

“Of course not.” Dean dismissed, still absorbed, and determinately ignoring the sinking feeling in his heart. 

“Dean. The way he looked at you. I mean, he is so gone.”

Dean let his phone slip into his pocket and he looked up at his brother. 

“He’s a kid. I helped him out, so he’s grateful or something.”

“Alright, whatever you say. But living with him is not going to help on the situation.”

“He doesn’t. I made him move into the guest room downstairs.” Dean muttered. 

Sam narrowed his eyes. 

“You know he has feelings for you, don’t you?”

Dean shifted a little uncomfortable. 

“Sam, listen. It’s not your problem. And the way I see it, it’s not even a problem at all. He is grateful I helped him and now he projects feelings or whatever. I don’t think he has a crush, he’s too shy and too… straight probably. So just, leave it.” He said. 

Sam nodded. 

“Fine. But… Just… I don’t really believe you, but fine.” He said.


	3. Close to you

Dean had his bag ready, Sam would be there any minute along with Bobby and they were scheduled to take off for a few days, meet with a new possible sponsor for the season. Dean had read the offer and was a little sceptic, but it was always a good thing to meet people before making a decision. 

There was a knock on the door and when he said it was open Cas poked his head through. 

“Hi.” 

“Everything alright?” Dean let the spoon clink into the bowl as he finished the last of some left over soup. He hadn’t even sat down to eat. 

“Yes. I – I wanted to ask if…” He took a deep breath as if building the courage to finish speaking. “If there was anything you needed me to do while you were away.” Cas squared his shoulders slightly and met his eyes. 

“You mean other than feed the dog and the cat… or?” Dean asked. 

Cas nodded and bit his bottom lip, something Dean had noticed he had a habit of doing whenever he felt a little nervous. 

“Na, not really. It’s just three days. If you’re out of food or whatever downstairs just raid my place.” He offered. 

“You good? Anything you will need?”

Dean sighed. It felt a little stilted and awkward between them and he blamed Sam. Because it he hadn’t opened his mouth about the supposed crush, then Dean wouldn’t have been thinking about it so much. He’d been fine before. Knowing that maybe Cas were harboring some feelings, but nothing definite. Cas shook his head and then they stood there a moment until Sam honked from outside and Cas jumped. 

Downstairs Dean clapped his shoulder and told him to give a call he wanted to talk or there was anything he needed. 

 

The next couple of weeks went much the same way. Dean were busy in meetings, he traveled away for a couple of days, he stayed at home, driving his riders crazy and checked the horses. It was coming closer to race season and everything needed to be ready. 

Before he knew it two months had come and gone, and Cas was still living downstairs. 

Cas worked hard at the stables. Most days he came out of his room at the same time Dean came downstairs. Everybody seemed to like the young new crew member and praised him for his initiative. He stayed up late and more than once, Dean had to tell him to go inside and rest for the evening. 

He noticed that Cas rarely had long breaks. He would eat with some of the other stable boys and girls. Then when the evening came he reluctantly went back inside. Dean had made it a habit of asking him to come up and have dinner with him, just to make sure he ate enough. And in case he felt lonely he wanted Cas to feel like he could count on Dean.

Dean muttered to himself one night as he pulled the soiled shirt over his head. He would have to change. He marched into the bedroom to find a clean one and hurried back toward the kitchen so the sauce wouldn’t burn. He heard a surprised sound from one of the chairs as he struggled to get into his shirt. 

When his head finally came through he looked over at Cas standing by the table, eyes comically wide and face flushed red. 

“Sorry, spilled sauce on the other.” Dean explained and tried not to let it get to him, how cute this guy looked all kinds of embarrassed. 

Dean set the table and finished with the plates full of food. Cas always looked a little shy when he came upstairs in the evenings. He were newly showered and dressed in jeans and tees normally. It was nothing compared to how shy and careful he acted now. Being faced with an eyeful of naked skin seemed to make him almost speechless. Dean wondered if it was because he was unaccustomed to nudity or because he was uncomfortable with Dean’s nudity. 

It was unlikely and Dean wouldn’t have thought it possible before, but he was getting fond of this man, they were becoming friends and he really enjoyed his company. 

They ate in silence for a while. Dean drank beer and for once when he offered, Cas had accepted one too. That had earned him a raised eyebrow from Dean, but he hadn’t asked. 

“I talked to my parents the other day.” Cas said playing with his fork, still avoiding eye contact. 

“You did?” Dean looked at him. 

“They wanted to know where I was.”

“That’s good.” Dean nodded. 

Cas shifted in his chair. 

“I didn’t tell them.”

“Yeah?”

For a moment Cas moved a piece of chicken around the plate with his fork. He took deep breaths before he finally looked up at Dean. His eyes dark and vulnerable. 

“It’s just that… I’m here now. I feel fine. Good, even.” He bit his lip. Dean nodded to encourage him to go on. 

“And. They kicked me out, why do they even care. It’s been over two months and all of a sudden they miss me. I don’t think that’s it. I think they hope I’ve changed.” He was on a roll and Dean didn’t think he had heard the guy speak this much in one go. 

“Did they say that?”

“No, but I know them.” He muttered.

Dean nodded again and when Cas fell into silence he thought maybe this conversation was over. Dean wasn't sure how to continue, because he wanted to ask, to maybe get him to talk about his parents some more. Everybody needed a family, even if they could be shitty sometimes. But that was Cas' choice. He had decided to stay away, and Dean could respect that. 

“My mother saw me kissing a guy. So she freaked out.” Cas almost whispered. Dean raised his eyes to look at him. His face flushed red again, but his eyes clearer now, like he had decided to go all in. Almost like he thought he would have to defend himself to Dean too. 

“She told dad and they sat me down and… they didn’t even yell. They talked to me like I was a spooked animal. Then I was given a choice. Stop immediately with the ‘experimenting’ or move out. So I left.”

“I’m really sorry, Cas. I thought for sure you’d done something worse. Steal something or get into real trouble.” Dean finished his beer and sat back with a sigh. Cas still watched him carefully so Dean smiled at him. 

“Nobody around here is going to care, Cas, if that worries you.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely. It has never been a problem, so just… Keep being you.” Dean advised. He didn't tell Cas about his own freak out, or how much he had dreaded what everybody might say when he was caught with his hands in the cookie jar so to speak. His family were cool people and they would never make a scene or even mention it probably. 

*** 

Dean walked through check in. He gave each of his staff a pass so they could come and go, and they started unloading the horses. 

The season were underway and Sam, Dean, Jo, Kevin, Cas and a few others were traveling to the first race. Dean felt itchy, the first one always made him a little anxious. It was supposed to set the standard for the season. Their horses had to be on the top five and he also needed to make sure they were settled in fine. 

The team always stayed at the hotel for the two days the race went on for. They weren’t always this many, but for the first race it was necessary. 

Going through the halls with their two horses Dean had already stopped three times to talk to friends and strangers. 

Dean was carrying some of the gear and stopped to chat with competitors or with some of the organizers. He liked to catch up with everyone, they became something of a league of their own, when they were into the same sport. They competed of course, but they were in on the same things. No one outside could understand what they were going through so, chatting with people doing the same things as himself, were nice. Once they were back outside Dean stopped to talk to some of the many journalists waiting, and when they finally made it to the car again he took a deep breath. 

Cas sat beside him and Jo drove with them. 

“Breathe, man. The first one is the craziest. At least that’s what you used to tell me.”

“I know.” He rolled his eyes and started the car. 

“Anyone up for burgers?”

The whole crew went to a place to eat together. Cas looked like he felt a little out of his depth. Jo was like a child, with a constant stream of commentary. Dean sat on the other side of him, close enough to feel the warm pressure of a skinny thigh against his own. He tried not to notice.

The waitress took their orders and brought back a tray with beers. Dean grabbed one and took a deep sip. Jo and Kevin were competing so they wouldn’t drink, besides, Jo were a minor still and weren’t allowed. When Cas reached out for a glass Dean nudged his shoulder. 

“They’ll card you.” He said a little teasingly. 

“Right.” He rolled his eyes and closed his fist around the dewy beer. Dean narrowed his eyes. 

“Really, Cas. You’re a minor.” He said quietly. Dean didn’t notice how Sam listened in on their conversation. 

“Yes, well. I am at home too and you always let me have a beer.” He said a little triumphantly. 

Dean huffed and glanced at Sam’s raised eyebrow. He shifted in his chair to make a little space between him and the younger man. 

Sometimes he didn’t know what was going on. He felt responsible for the guy, he wanted to protect him, and he also thought about him way too much. They were friends and Dean didn’t think it was a crime. He thought about Sam too a lot of the time. Worrying what he was up to, if he was doing alright and if he was happy. It was nothing. It was just who Dean was. 

Sam’s eyes were still on them and Dean took a steadying breath when the waitress returned with their food. He happily dug into it making an effort to distract himself. 

Once they were finished they made their way back to the hotel. When they traveled like this for only a few nights the brothers usually shared the space. They said goodnight to the rest and headed for their room. 

The quiet between them stretched out and Dean wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He started his routine of a shower, getting dressed for sleep and grabbed his laptop to send some emails from bed. Sam did the same, sitting by the table. 

“Hey, Dean? Wanna talk about your thing with Cas back there?”

Dean took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. 

“What about it, Sam?”

“You two are getting really familiar.”

Dean just looked at his brother. It wasn’t a question, and even if it were he didn’t know what he could say. Sure they were familiar, they spent a lot of time together. 

“Dean, just… I’m not mad or anything, but I want you to be careful. He’s really young.”

Dean huffed. 

“I know. And what do you think would happen anyway? He’s a kid, I help him out since he got kicked out from home.”

They had talked about it before. Dean had told his brother the short version of what happened to Cas. Sam never seemed to believe that was the whole story. 

“I know, Dean. But you don’t have to get too close for that to happen.” 

“We’re not too close, Sam. Anyway, he’ll be gone on a couple of months. When school starts again he’s going to attend classes so I bet he’ll stay on campus rather than at the stables.” 

Sam nodded slowly. 

“Is he looking for places to stay?”

“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged. 

“But you would let him stay if he preferred.” Sam stated. 

Dean wasn’t sure why that was a bad thing. Nobody used the room downstairs. Cas seemed happy there and he got a chance to do what he wanted. 

Sam let it go and Dean went back to work. His mind a little busier than before. He should probably ask Cas what his plans were, if he wanted to stay longer or if he would move elsewhere. 

 

The next morning they were up early and headed for the race tracks. Jo and Kevin had already gotten the horses out to rub them down. Dean left Cas there with them and walked outside.  
Being at the race tracks were a great opportunity to meet people in the same business. A lot went down at the races. Horses were sold, new arrangements made.   
Dean liked that part. He was good at it and he always made an effort to get to know people in the game a little better. 

People were everywhere. Thankfully he had the pass to be on the inside of the field. He didn’t have to mill around with the audience. They run around taking bets, making money or losing money. This kind of thing brought out all kinds of people. Mostly there were the rich ones, the people who found this sport to be an investment for them. Women in their bright dresses and big hats, walking around elegantly, talking to the other wives. Men in suits smoking pipe, flashing their money and their women. 

Then there usually were groups of young men. Trying their hand at gambling in an effort to impress the ladies. Often they were already drinking beer long before the race started and they weren’t enough interested anyway.   
Races also brought out the troubled people. Those who spent loads of money on the wrong horses. Those who were obsessed, those with gambling problems. 

Dean knew all of this and he also felt that was the worst part of this sport. Other people’s misery were the thing that brought him money a lot of the time. 

 

Dean made it back to the stables in time for the weigh in. Kevin and Jo were both dressed in full gear, helmet and boots. They were carrying the saddles and stood in line with the other jockeys. 

“Why do they need to weigh themselves?” Cas asked. 

“Because every horse if required to carry a certain weight during the race. The jockey, the saddle and the rest of the gear.”

“Oh. But Jo and Kevin can’t be the exact same weight.” Cas mussed. 

“Well, there isn’t much difference, but if there is, one of them has to get extra weights, usually carried in small saddle pouches.” 

Cas nodded in interest. 

After the weigh in Dean led Cas back to the stables where they saddled the horses along with Sam. Dean showed him how to do it properly but he mostly watched. In the meantime Jo and Kevin had time to get ready and soon they would be ready to race. 

Dean helped Jo into the saddle and led the horse toward the field. Sam walked behind him with Kevin. He chatted with Jo, making sure she was ready and he tried to keep himself and the horse as calm as possible. They could easily get too worked up around the other horses and the atmosphere of the stadium. 

Their horses were used to this. They were almost veterans in the game so Dean wasn’t really worried. When he helped them into the box. He patted Jo’s thigh, told her to keep her knees in and not give the horse full rein until the last two hundred meters. 

She nodded briskly under her helmet, head already on the track. Dean backed away and met his brother on the outside. They nodded and stepped back for the race to begin. 

Dean always felt a rush of emotions at the beginning of each race. They were all exciting, but the start could determine the entire race. If the horse got a good footing in the first fifty meters, it could make up for everything. Then again, some of them were really good at working up the win anyway. 

Then there was the risk of something going wrong. A horse as hyped up as this who made a mistake, taking a wrong turn could cause a lot of damage. 

Sam and Dean watched in silence as the horses took off. Dean noted that Jo had a little trouble getting into it, her rhythm was off for some reason, but she reined it in and followed easily, in the middle of the heat.   
Kevin on the other hand had shot out of the box, already on third, working steadily on gaining on second place. 

“He has to find an opening.” Sam muttered next to him and Dean hummed a response. Both their eyes were glued to the track, the sound of thundering hoofs a surprisingly loud rush around them. The audience were cheering them on and the speaker roared above it all, counting the numbers, letting everyone know for sure who was in the lead. 

Dean watched as Kevin rounded second place. First place had a few lengths on him but he had a chance. 

“Let her go.” Sam muttered and shifted from one foot to the other. 

They both watched as Kevin let her have the reins on the last stretch of the race. Her long glorious legs moving in a steady pace, thundering into the ground. They were gaining, fast and Dean were almost on his toes. Then suddenly the first place seemed to notice and in a few strides he were taking the footing again, making it look effortless as he raced past the finish line with an entire horse length between them.


	4. Noticing you

Kevin was not happy with second place. He spend the entirety of the day to sulk and comment on how he could have gotten past first place.

Dean knew that first place were too good. The horse too young for Kevin’s five year old to handle. He wasn’t going to say that, but he knew they would have to talk about it once they were back home.

The rest of the day were spent at the arena. They rubbed down the horses, gave them a shower and food. Cas was there the entire time, quietly just walking between them, muttering to the horses and talking to the staff in the stables. He looked content and happy with his place making Dean think about how much had happened in a short few weeks.

The Cas he had brought home barely spoke, never walked outside. He was skittish and at the same time slept a lot.

Now he was up early in the stables, worked hard, had gained friends and looked healthier. Like he was growing into himself a bit more.

Dean was happy for him. It wasn’t a lie when he told Sam that he cared about him, that he also felt a little responsible. What he hadn’t told his brother yet, was that he also would help Cas continue his education.

Cas saved most of the money he earned working for them. Dean knew, because Cas had insisted on paying rent. It was ridiculous of course, because he didn’t earn much, and he should be using that on himself. He had been stubborn so Dean agreed to take it out of his paycheck.

 

During the summer Dean and his entire crew were busy. Jo and Kevin were his main jockeys but he also had two more which also raced from time to time. There was a race almost every weekend, and they had enough horses to compete with not to exhaust any of them. Kevin was still pissed that he hadn’t won the first race of the season, but after calming down he agreed to take a younger horse for the upcoming races.

They did well. All in all. Dean liked the winning, who didn’t? But he never let that go above the safety of his team and his horses. Both Dean and Sam enjoyed working with the horses. Neither of them had a chance at being jockeys. Their genes had given them too much height for that to be possible. Still, from a very young age they had brushed the horses, taken care of the stabled and both were capable riders.

 

Just at the end of the season Dean was at one of the after parties. That’s where he met Lisa. Her dark hair so smooth and glossy, her voice soft and almost husky, and she could move her body. Dean had to admit that’s what pulled him in. He had been drinking a little, celebrating a good day. When he noticed her and walked over to introduce himself, she gave a teasing smile in that bright face. She just looked so beautiful and happy.

Dean didn’t bring her home to his place, he wasn’t ready. That didn’t mean Sam had the same idea. He kept talking about her, asking when she would come visit and told Dean that he was really happy he dated someone for real.

Dean wasn’t going to investigate why he didn’t want everyone to know. They were family to him, and they usually shared almost everything. Sam insisted it was because Dean thought she might be important to him, like a serious partner this time. And Dean wanted to believe him. He felt great with her. Lisa didn’t try to make him into something he couldn’t be. She were genuinely bright and understanding, it pulled him in, because Dean knew he wanted that. Someone to brighten up his day, to share them with.

So Sam kept opening his big mouth and eventually everyone in their closest circle knew that Dean had met someone. When Dean wanted Cas to tag along to one of the races, he excused himself and said he had too much to do, or that he felt like he could be of better use back at the stables.

Dean didn’t pressure him into coming. And it was the end of season, which meant Cas had to prepare for classes to start again.

Cas hadn’t found a place to stay on campus. He said it wasn’t too far away, so if Dean would let him, he wanted to stay. A part of Dean had been almost ridiculously relieved when Cas told him. He had felt the way he did when Sam oved away for college, that distinct feeling of loss, and a sting of rejection he couldn’t place.

“No, no. We’re not using the space, so if you want to stay, that is totally fine with me.” Dean said.

“Great. And I thought I could just work at the stables like before.” Cas said, lifting one shoulder.

Dean watched the shoulder beneath his t-shirt. His clothing were loose and revealed a sharp collar bone. He wondered if he’d always been that skinny. He would probably fill out more as he got older. Dean swallowed and looked away, he rubbed a hand across his face to re - focus. He couldn’t keep having thoughts like that.

“You don’t have to. When you go to school, that should be your main priority.”

“Sure, but I bet I will need some time to distance myself from all the academic stuff. And what’s a better way to do that than shovel shit?” Cas asked with a grin.

Dean rolled his eyes and playfully punched his shoulder.

 

***

Every year after the end of the last race Sam and Dean invited everyone into the house to celebrate. Dean would be cooking along with Ellen and Jo. This year Dean made roasted chicken, and he’d also made a pie.

The crew sat down to eat together, talk about the season, the horses, and their adventures. Everyone happily chatting away, sipping wine and beer and altogether acting as a family.

Growing up the brothers never had this. Their support system were the same, but their father never took it seriously. His boys were growing up, they were clothed and fed on a semi regular basis. It would have to do.

So maybe Dean were overcompensating. Nobody called him on it, and throwing parties like this were one of his biggest pleasures. It helped keep the family close, and the crew happy. And he always wanted them to be more than just people who worked together.

This year, Cas was there with them, and just over the weekend his fist classes were about to start. Dean made sure everyone knew and for the rest of the night Cas had to thank everyone, with a pleased blush on his face.

As the night progressed the oldest one headed out, telling them to keep it down. It was supposed to be a dinner, and most of them had work in the morning so it rarely got late. Ruby pulled Sam away a little while later and Dean started tidying up. Cas helped him bring the dishes to the sink while Dean loaded the washer.

Music played a funky tune in the background. It was dark outside and the room was barely lit. When Cas yawned Dean told him to just head to bed.

“I’m going to finish this in the morning anyway.” He said.

Cas nodded and started walking to his room. Suddenly he turned and came to stand in front of Dean.

“I wanted to say thank you. I… You know, for everything. It feels like I should be throwing _you_ a party.” He admitted.

“Nah. You’re starting school in a few days, of course you should have a party.” Dean nodded.

Cas’ hair looked soft. His eyes were a little glossy from having a few beers, but mostly he just looked happy.

“Well, in any case, a big thank you is in order.” Cas said gently.

Before Dean knew what was happening, soft lips brushed against his. Cas’ hands held onto Dean’s forearms as he leaned closer and it lasted only a moment.

Cas pulled back with a little smile, his cheeks pleasantly rosy from the night and possibly the kiss.

“As a thanks.” He muttered with his cheeks gone rosy, before stepping around Dean.

A soft good night was uttered before the door clicked shut. Dean took a few deep breaths, surprised to notice his breath coming out shaky. The tingling on his lips lingered as well as the sense of Cas all around him.

 

Dean tried to take Cas’ lead in the upcoming days. They didn’t talk about it and as far as Dean knew, maybe Cas didn’t even remember he’d kissed him.

For his own part he thought about it embarrassingly often. It was just a kiss, nothing more. He didn’t have to get flustered and make things complicated just because he couldn’t stop thinking about it. So instead of letting it take all of his focus he decided to do things as normal.

He went about his days as usual. Worked long hours in the office, had meetings with sponsors and interviewed new jockeys. Kevin were talking about stepping back, take some classes, so Dean needed to be prepared in case he decided to jump off.

At night he made dinner and the first night, Cas were busy, but the next time he came upstairs with Trojan in tow. The cat had adopted Cas and hung around him most of the time. She came by Dean’s living room once of twice a week, but that’s about it. Dean was just happy they could keep each other company.

Cas were good at small talk. Dean had learned over time that the way he grew up required that of him. His parents had been strict, religious people, who asked their children to do as they were told and act nicely toward people.  
Dean didn’t really think that had to be a bad thing, but when that was almost all they were allowed to do, and to do perfectly, then it was a bad thing.

Cas had left, and now he were suddenly a young man, more confident than when he arrived and self- assured in a way that surprised Dean.

After their dinner together Dean found that he could move past the awkwardness. Cas acted his usual chatty self, talking about school, about his new friends and how he actually had gotten in contact with some of his old friends.  
Dean smiled, happy that the fact he had stopped that day in the rain, might have done Cas some good.

 

Dean had one of these mornings were he had slept in. The clock was just turning eight and he stood in his kitchen, wearing a pair of black boxers as he sipped his coffee. He felt great, Lisa would come visit in just a few days and his week had been a nice, lazy one.

He scooted up on the counter and watched how the place outside had been awake for a while already. He considered himself a lucky man to have all of this. Living in a nice home, being his own boss, most of the time, and for once he didn’t have a packed timetable set for the day.

When the door burst open and a panting Cas came through Dean almost spilled his coffee all over himself.

“Dude! What’s with the noise!?”

“Oh, sorry! I just… The car, and I have an early class. Luke is already at school so…oh God!” He stopped suddenly, as if he just then noticed the state of undress Dean were in.

“You need me to drive you, then?”

Cas bit the side of his lip.

“Or, if some of the others were headed into town.” He added, still not looking directly at Dean.

“Let me get dressed and I’ll see what I can do.” He sighed.

“Help yourself to some coffee.” He muttered and strode down the hall.

A loud stomping sounded from his living room, then Sam’s voice uttered a series of curses and Cas let out a squeal of protest. Dean grabbed a shirt at random and hurried to find out what was going on.

“What the hell, man?”

Sam had stumbled inside and managed to flip over a potted plant.

“What’s the matter with you? You drunk?” Dean asked in an annoyed tone.

Sam huffed and filled his cup of coffee.

“No, I am here to inform you that apparently, I am supposed to be going away this weekend.”

“Oh yeah?”

Sam rolled his eyes as he started to ramble on about a meeting about mindfulness, and Dean was happy he didn’t have his mouth full of coffee or someone might have gotten a spray.

“I might go to yoga with her and actually enjoy it, but the line has to be drawn somewhere.” Sam insisted.

Dean sent a glance in Cas’ direction and they shared a moment as they both tried, and failed, to contain their laughter.

“Just you laugh. But this is serious. Dean, I need to get out of this thing.”

Dean shook his head.

“I am a little busy at the moment, sorry.”

“What? No, Dean. I can’t sit in a room pretending to be all spiritual with a bunch of wanna be hippies!” Sam whined.

Dean took a deep breath.

“Dude, I don’t know what you want me to say?”

“Make me busy with something else.”

Dean huffed a sigh. They both knew that they didn’t have anything too pressing on the table in the upcoming days. And truth be told, Dean didn’t want to do this either, he wanted Sam to just talk to Ruby and for once agree on something.

“Man, go talk to her. Tell her you don’t want to and that you should do something that both of you want.”

“Come on, you know how she gets.”

Dean shrugged with an apologetic look. Cas was already on his way out the door and Dean wriggled into his jacket.

Ruby had clawed her way too far into Sam’s life and wrapped him around her finger. He was too afraid to stand up to her for some reason, and Dean wasn’t sure why he kept up with all that crap. Dean still had trouble actually liking her company, even if he could be civil about it.

 

Cas sat in the front seat with the backpack between his knees.

“What’s going on with Sam and Ruby?”

“I don’t know. They have always been a little like cat and mouse, but I think maybe he is starting to think she’s not all good.” Dean sighed.

“You don’t like her.” It wasn’t a question. Dean looked over at him and licked his lip slowly. For some reason, Cas’ eyes strayed down to track the movement.

“Well… Not really no, she’s… I don’t think she is the best person for my brother, that’s all.”

Cas nodded thoughtfully. Once they arrived at school, Cas promised he’d get home by himself, and thanked Dean for the ride. Dean watched him stride toward the doors. His legs looked so long and slim in those dark jeans and his shoulders stretched out under his jacket. Shaking himself, Dean sped out of there and headed back home.


	5. Belong to me

Dean had dinner ready when Lisa arrived. She dropped her bags just inside his door and raced into his arms. Dean hugged her tight and smiled as her legs wrapped around his waist. She giggled. 

“Hello.” She hummed happily before bending down to kiss him. 

“I have missed this handsome face.” She announced. 

“I’m glad to see you too.” He told her as he moved toward the couch. 

As he dropped down she looked around his place. 

“Wow, this is nice.” 

Her eyes moved from the large comfy couch they were on, the window sills filled with flowers or little things Dean had picked up here and there on his travels. He had two large book shelves, then the space narrowed into the kitchen. 

Dean huffed, and pulled her back down for a kiss. Her hands came up into his hair and she tugged until Dean’s head rested on the back of the pillows. Soft lips showered open mouthed kisses from his lips, down his chin and to his neck. Dean let out a long breath. 

There was no urgency. They made out, explored each other. Lisa pulled his shirt off and he let his hands run up her back, her soft skin so warm and nice under his palms. Her happy little hum had Dean drawing back to look at her and she giggled. 

“Don’t look at me like that. I like this.” She whispered. Dean grinned up at her. 

“Come here.” 

Dean flipped them around until she were lying beneath him. He kissed her neck before pulling her shirt up to find her breasts. Lisa arched her back and he teased her for a bit, biting gently on her nipples and peppering kisses down her belly. Eventually the need and tension built up around them. 

Jeans fell to the floor, lace panties and boxers followed. Dean kissed a trail down between her thighs and licked a stripe into her soft lips. She was wet already and trembling slightly as Dean worked his tongue. 

“Come on – Oh, Dean, I need…” She sighed and he pulled back to look up at her flushed face and messy hair. 

She had arrived with her hair in a neat pony tail, only to have it messed up and spread out on his pillows. Dean smirked. 

“Yeah? What do you want?”

“I want you, Dean. Come on.”

“You want me to, what?” He whispered as he made his way back up her body. She kissed him eagerly before letting her head fall down with a soft moan. Dean let his hard length push against her opening, but always pulling away when she tried to take him in. 

“I want- fuck you are mean.” She panted. He let out a soft laugh. 

“Tell me, and you’ll get exactly what you need.” He breathed into her ear. Her body shook and Dean almost took pity on her. God, he wanted to, everything in him screamed to do it, to take her, but he enjoyed this a little too much. 

Dean sat back and took in the sight before him. Lisa whimpered in complaint, her hands gripping the pillows over her head, chest heaving and her legs spread wide, inviting him in. Dean let his fingers stroke down her wet entrance, trailing further and not stopping until he found the tight hole further down. 

She let out a soft scream. 

“I need you… uhh… to fuck me.” She practically sobbed, and Dean let out a strained breath. With a little sting of inexplicable disappointment he let his fingers fall away from her tight ring of muscles and focused on her pussy instead. 

Dean moved over her and led his cock to meet with her and pushed inside. She met him eagerly, thrust for thrust. Both built up with tension, and longing and need. Dean set up a faster rhythm, they panted hard and when she came she clamped down on his pushing him in as far as possible with her strong legs keeping him there. Dean kept going with small thrusts and buried his face into her neck as he came. 

 

Lisa had a way about her to make people like her. She joined Dean in the stables, people greeted her and he introduced her to his family and friends. 

Sam hung around the place more since having a fight with Ruby, and he especially seemed very happy about Lisa and her being with Dean. 

Dean didn't see Cas the first three days and according to his texts he had a lot of school work to do. He wasn't sure he believed him, because Cas still worked long hours in the stable, he just didn't come up op or show up whenever Dean was around.

It wasn’t until late on the fourth day he came by. Dean made dinner and Lisa sat by the counter flipping through a magazine, chatting away warming her feet on the dog by her chair. 

The door opened and Cas peeked through, his hair looked unusually messy, his face a little red and eyes filled with worry. 

“Dean, I can’t find Trojan.” He said and stood awkwardly in the doorway, realizing he’d walked in on their domesticity. 

“Oh, well he came up yesterday. I thought you’ve been so busy lately.” Dean said a little clipped. 

Cas sagged in relief and Dean realized how attached he felt to the little black fur ball.

“He’s on top of the book shelf.” He added and Cas strode into the living room without another word. Dean could hear him muttering to the cat once he located her and he couldn't stop a fond smile from spreading on his face.

“That’s Cas? The boy you helped?” Lisa asked quietly. Dean looked at her and made himself come back to the present. 

“Yeah. He’s adopted the cat.” 

“Really? No wonder he has such a crush on you.” She said with a little laugh. A quiet gasp sounded from the door and Dean looked up in time to see Cas’ face staring at him, flushed red and eyes wide. He turned on his heel and was out the door before Dean could even say his name. 

“Oh, fuck! Why did you do that?” Dean hissed. 

“What? I didn’t know he was right there. Besides, I’m not wrong.” She gave him a knowing look and Dean just shook his head. She knew he was in the room with them, she didn't have to open her mouth while he was still there.

Dean followed Cas downstairs and knocked on his door. Nobody answered, but Dean could hear the tv playing in the background so he entered and found his way inside. 

“Hi, man. I’m sorry.” Dean leaned his shoulder against the doorframe. Cas sat on the couch with the cat in his lap. His hands petted it repeatedly and with fast movements. Dean almost winced in sympathy. 

“Are you telling people I’m having some major crush on you?” Cas asked after a long silence. Dean closed his eyes as he took a steadying breath. 

“I wouldn’t do that, Cas. I don’t even believe that’s the case. You know how the people around here always tease about us being like an old bickering couple.” Dean tried. 

Sam liked to remind them how they kept arguing and giving each other hell for this or that. Cas shrugged and refused to look at Dean. 

“Yeah, well. I just don’t want people to talk behind my back like that. She hasn’t even met me yet!” He said with much more force and looked at Dean for a moment. 

“I know, and it was unnecessary of her. I’ll talk to her.”

“Whatever, Dean. Do what you have to. Let’s just forget about this and…” He trailed off and Dean watched him for a while. Cas looked so young again, sometimes he could forget about his age. The guy hadn’t even turned twenty. Dean had eleven years on him and it still felt like they were the same age most of the time. They talked and played around like friends, and Dean wasn’t sure whether Cas acted older than his years, or if Dean was just that much of a child. Probably the last. That fact also made it all the much harder to remember that Cas still had a lot of growing and learning to do. He was really young and Dean shouldn't make it harder than it had to be. 

“Alright. Just, Cas. I don’t care what other people say. We’re friends and we enjoy hanging out, so don’t let this ruin that.” Dean finished. When Cas didn’t answer he said good night and headed back upstairs. 

 

Cas made an effort to avoid Lisa for the duration of her stay. They met and was introduced and when Lisa tried to apologize for her comment, Cas had walked past her, pretending he hadn’t heard her. She was a little offended by that, but after talking to Cas, Dean could understand him. He may act childish, but most likely did his embarrassment still linger. 

Dean were not going to pressure Cas into liking or spending time with Lisa if he didn’t want to. Instead he let the guy be, and decided he’d just make it up to him when she headed back home. 

 

As fall slowly crept into winter the weather grew colder and the days shorter. Dean worked hard on training his horses and his jockeys. The work they did now, would be crucial when the season started. In some ways this part of the year had a special place in Dean’s life. It had always been his favorite. When he was younger he felt free, useful and good during the months of training. 

He had something to look forward to, a goal to work towards and he was good at it. Because when he stood on the tracks watching his jockeys make their rounds he knew what to look for. The connection between the horse and its rider would play a part in how well they would do. 

Making adjustments to the saddle, or giving pointers on how the jockey should hold themselves gave Dean something to focus on in his early years. In a time when he did everything he could to make enough money to put Sam through school. When he worked from sunup to sundown, only to come into their house having to carry their father to bed, or try and calm him down, or fight him to get the bottle away from him. 

During that time Dean had been miserable and without a real purpose in life, up until he started to put his anger and his focus into turning their business around. Since then they had gone mostly uphill, but Dean still enjoyed this part of the job. 

 

After Lisa left and Dean and Cas kept up their usual friendship Dean found himself in need of distraction and a different focus again. 

Cas seemed to be over the embarrassment with Lisa, and when they spent time together he talked and acted like before. Their relationship was easy. Some nights Cas would come upstairs with his backpack, unloading his books all over Dean’s kitchen bar, and do his work. Like he belonged.

He’d sit there pulling his hair, flicking his pen, writing on his laptop and sigh heavily at least once every fifteen minutes. 

“You need something? Coffee or tea or milk or…?” Dean would ask him. 

Cas looked up at him with tired eyes, almost like he’d been far away in his own world. And often when Dean interrupted him like that Cas would give him a lecture about whatever task he worked on at the moment. 

Dean liked it. They had a sort of routine which felt natural and familiar to them. They ate dinner together, watched some tv and then Cas would say good night before he went down to his own space. 

 

All of a sudden it stopped. Dean hadn’t seen Cas for almost five days and he was starting to worry. They had talked over text, and Dean had seen him in the stables, but the guy didn’t show up at his place. 

Cas insisted that he just had so much to do with the upcoming exams and so Dean decided to let him have his space. It was funny to notice how dependent he had become of the guy. Dean almost didn’t know what to do with himself once he had so many night to his own. 

He started doing some work and part of him wanted to object to the fact that Cas needed to study alone just because he had exams. He could easily study up there just like he always did. Normally they could sit for ours not talking, simply working on their own separate stuff, only together. Dean shook himself mentally and in the upcoming days he increased his work load in an effort to distract himself. 

Dean talked regularly with Lisa on the phone. They were supposed to meet again in a week or so and Dean hoped that could help him get over this weird funk he’d gone into. 

He sat in the window one night, talking to Lisa and carefully stroking the cat, which had migrated back upstairs. That’s when he noticed them. Cas and some guy came walking toward the house. The guy next to him were taller and blond. They talked animatedly as they approached the house and Dean felt like an idiot for not having realized. Of course Cas wanted space if he had started dating someone. 

Pointedly ignoring the sting somewhere in the midsection, Dean watched them as they came closer. Both had backpacks hanging off their shoulders and they looked about the same age. Dean told himself it was a good thing. Cas needed to spend time with people his age, have fun and explore. 

Dean decided he would confront Cas later if he didn’t bring it up himself. Strictly because he thought he should know. Cas didn’t owe it to him, not really, but they were friends, weren’t they? He would give him a few days at least.


	6. Too far

Cas called him up two days later while he was in town on business and Dean almost felt embarrassed by how relieved he felt that Cas actually called him.

“Dean? Are you coming home soon?” Dean heard someone talking in the background, music playing and he wondered if he had a party going on.

“Yes, why?”

“I’m in the mood for take-out. Do you mind bringing some?”

“Sure, what would you like?”

“Pizza will do fine.” He said. 

Dean made his way back home and as he entered the house he heard music playing loudly from Cas’ room. Someone laughed and even if it didn’t sound like a whole lot of people it still sounded like a party. 

He knocked on the door and waited a long moment before he heard footsteps approaching. Cas opened the door and for a moment Dean didn’t know what to say. 

Cas was wearing a pair of skin tight black jeans, on top he had a loose t-shirt, hanging a little off one of his shoulders. It was starting to drive him a little mad the way Cas could look so disheveled and still be very very attractive. That’s when he noticed that the shirt were one of Dean’s. He swallowed hard and forced his eyes up to meet with bright blue ones. Happily glimmering with laughter. 

“Here’s your pizza.” Dean was a little unsettled to notice his voice had taken a hoarse note. 

“Thank you! We’re starving.” Cas exclaimed. 

Just then the blonde guy showed up behind Cas. He looked just as disheveled and pleased. His hair stood out in every direction, his shirt rumpled, like he’d just pulled it back on. Dean made an effort to give a smile. 

“Yeah, no problem. Have fun.” Dean said hurriedly and started to turn around. 

“That’s Dean? Damn he’s hot!” He heard just as the door closed and even if his heart pounded painfully in his chest. 

 

Dean wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much that Cas were dating. He had come upstairs the next day, telling Dean about him. His name was Luke, but apparently most people called him Lucy. Dean had no idea what happened in people’s minds these days. 

They had met in class. Cas liked him, and he felt nice around him. Apparently things weren’t serious. Dean knew all about the ‘not serious’ thing. It was still dating in his book.

“Obviously I’m new to all this stuff, but it’s fun.” Cas smiled and Dean absolutely did not want to know what kind of ‘stuff’ Cas said he was new to.

In all honesty being with someone was all Dean really wanted for Cas. For him to have a chance to be who he was, to explore and to take things forward in his own time. The cold feeling settling in Dean’s stomach whenever he thought about it wasn’t important. 

 

Almost without noticing Dean started to catalogue how often Luke came to visit Cas and for how long he stayed. He never spent the night, which was a nice relief, because if he did Dean might have to talk to Cas about it. They   
often played music well into the night. Some days Cas didn’t come home until very late, other days he came back alone at a decent time and he came to have dinner with Dean, and he hated that it made him feel like such a grown man, a parent even.

So sometimes if he felt particularly weird about it and if Luke had been there for days on end, Dean would text Cas and ask if he minded helping around the stables. He didn’t sit down to think about why he did, but every time it resulted in Cas coming out to help him, and Luke had to go home. Dean swore he didn’t do it on purpose, it just happened. That’s it. 

 

Cas lifted the cat and kissed her little snout. 

“Why are you hiding from me?” He cooed. 

“I don’t think she’s too keen on the music you’re playing.”

“Are you complaining about my taste in music?” Cas grinned as Dean made an uncommitted shrug of his shoulders. 

“You’re one to talk, mister-I-never-listen-to-anything-made-after-1970.” Cas rolled his eyes. He were teasing him and Dean felt strangely happy that they still did that. 

“Come on, just because I happen to know what real music is about doesn’t mean I live under a rock.” He said. 

“Whatever you say.” Cas singsonged on his way into the living room. 

Dean watched him settle onto the couch with Trojan and something almost felt like it were falling into place. He took a deep steadying breath and continued his cooking. Dean wasn’t sure, or he wasn’t ready to explore exactly what his feelings meant, or what he were feeling exactly.

After a while Dean glanced into the living room only to find all of his three favorites fast asleep. Cas rested his head on the dog, and kept Trojan safely cradled in his arms. 

He couldn’t help it when he grabbed his phone to get a picture of it all. After, he watched the cat stretch and lick Cas’ slightly stubbly chin, then he snuggled closer under his neck and continued sleeping. 

 

Cas lifted his slightly soggy burger and watched it with wrinkles in his forehead. 

“That’s what you get for falling asleep just as dinner is served.”

“You could have woken me.” Cas grumbled. 

Dean shook his head and hid his smile. He really couldn’t. After staring at them sleep for way too long he firmly told himself to go back into the kitchen. He needed to gather his thoughts and stop acting ridiculously. 

“I’m invited to a party on Friday.”

“Yeah? Sounds fun.” Dean noticed how Cas avoided looking at him and decided to wait it out. He clearly needed to talk about something. 

“I mean, I’ve been to parties before.” 

Dean nodded. Cas had been going out more often after meeting Luke. Nothing too serious, and he always came back at a reasonable time. Dean acknowledged that he didn’t have the right to say anything or that Cas was old enough to take care of himself. It didn’t stop him from keeping his eyes and ears open whenever Cas stayed out late. 

“It’s just… everyone is talking about this party. And… it’s off campus, which is a big deal apparently.”

Dean busied himself with his fries. He might have eaten his burger while fresh, but he wanted to keep Cas company. Dean knew what Cas were talking about. He had frequented those kind of parties growing up. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t gone to college, he had friends who did, so he were always invited. 

That’s also how he knew what parties like that mostly likely would turn into. 

“I have this friend, from before I got here. She… she’s the one who wanted me to go.” Cas took a bite, trying to look unaffected. 

Dean ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach. He should support Cas independence, the way he explored and had fun. That’s what normal college students did. 

“Well, then that must be nice. I didn’t know you two went to the same college.”

“We had planned it before it all happened, and seems like we’re meant to stay friends.” He rolled his eyes but there were warmth in his smile. 

“Must be a close friend, then.”

Cas nodded. 

“We were. I don’t see her all that much. She seems to be very into the party game. And I like it, some, but… when people talk so much about it, and build up the expectations it makes me nervous.”

Dean gave a short laugh. 

“That’s just the way things are done, man. But you want to go, right?”

“I guess.” Cas told his plate. 

“Nobody is going to make you.” Dean tried, and Cas just raised his head to stare at him. Now, at thirty one, Dean had lived long enough to know that everything didn’t depend on whether you showed at a party. Or how wild you got at said party. Being technically still a teenager, Cas probably didn’t see it the same way. 

“Fine. Go to this party, but man, don’t do anything you don’t want to. Please drink beer all night, and before you fuck someone, use protection!” Dean told him and couldn’t help being a little charmed at the way Cas’ face turned red with embarrassment. 

“Shut up.” He muttered and refused to look at Dean. 

Dean decided to let him sit there for a while, and got up to clean the table. 

Later that night, after a movie where Dean had fallen asleep, Cas got up and called it a night. 

“Cas. I was serious. Don’t let people push you into something you’re not comfortable with. And even if it’s the middle of the night, call me if you need anything.” Dean needed to make sure. He needed Cas to know that whatever big or small thing, if he needed Dean for something, he should call. 

“I’ll try. And thank you.”

 

Dean didn’t know what had made Cas so nervous about the party, but the next couple of days he seemed happy. He brought his friends over with more frequency and his weekends appeared to be those parties or at least going out. 

Until one night when he suddenly called. Dean had been away for a couple of days meeting Lisa. He had just gotten home that night and already in bed. Cas’ name lit up on his phone and Dean bolted upright in his bed before he was even properly awake. 

“Cas? You alright?”

“Dean? Is that you?” He asked. 

Music blasted in the background. People laughed and screamed at the top of their lungs. Dean rubbed the space between his brows. 

“Yes, Cas. You were the one to call, remember?”

“Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. I just… I would like to go home now. I don’t know any of these people. This guy tried to stick his tongue down my throat and Luke took off once I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him here. I’m not entirely sure how to get home other than call you – “

Cas kept on rambling. Dean had put him on speaker as he got dressed and found his way downstairs. 

“I need an address.” Dean cut into his complaining about bad music. 

It seemed a drunk Cas was a very vocal person. Dean screwed his eyes shut, he had a hard time hanging up and telling him to stay where he was so that he could come and pick him up. 

 

Dean drove back home, listening to Cas talking the entire time about people at school. He was excited and happy after a night out with friends in spite of how it ended and honestly, even if it was late and Dean had already been in his bed, he couldn’t be mad. Cas had called him, because he needed to get home, and his friends had left, and Dean would take it, because that meant Cas trusted him enough and that things were fine between them. And that meant Cas was safe.

On the stairs to the house Cas stumbled so Dean grabbed the back of his jacket. 

“Take it easy.”

Cas just huffed an unconcerned laugh and walked inside. He turned around and crowded Dean’s space. Dean’s heart made a jump. Cas usually didn’t come this close. Not after that one time. Dean had learned to live with it, besides, he had Lisa now. 

“I don’t like that everyone think I walk around pining after you.” Cas whispered. Dean’s heart made a jump.

“They don’t, Cas.”

“Lisa said they do.”

“No, Sam teased me once, and she overheard. Don’t worry about it.” He tried to assure him. In this proximity it was a little hard to stand against the temptation. Cas’ hair looked unusually messy, his eyes practically sparkled and his lips looked red and soft. He was right there! Dean moved toward Cas’ door and tried to put some space between them. 

Once they were inside Cas’ place he moved closer again. This time with a little more intent, but Dean backed away. Cas came closer still, placing his hands on Dean’s forearm. 

“I want to kiss you, Dean. And I know you want to kiss me.” Cas insisted. And if he only knew how true that were. A part of Dean’s brain panicked at the thought of Cas having caught him staring, or how he knew that about him.   
Sam had made his point, and Dean wouldn’t do that to Cas. He wouldn’t be the one to take everything he offered, because Dean was an adult and Cas was supposed to explore with someone his age. And again, Dean still had Lisa. 

“Cas…” It was a warning. 

“Dean. I don’t understand.” He whispered. 

Dean watched him. His hair a delicious mess. His t-shirt a little rumpled but fit his frame well. He was still lanky and thin, but god, Dean loved the sight of those collarbones. Sharp hip bones could be seen with black jeans just barely covering them. He looked incredibly hot, and also young. Dean had no idea how to handle this attraction. If this was anyone else he would take what was offered and get it out of his system. 

Dean let his head fall forward until their foreheads pressed against each other. Cas’ blue eyes a little glazed over looked up at him and Dean took a deep breath. 

Slowly Dean’s hands came up and pushed into his soft, dark strands. Those blue eyes fluttered closed and his shiny lips parted, expectantly. 

Dean cursed inwardly as he felt that hot breath brush across his face. He screwed his eyes shut as he moved forward. For a moment their lips simply touched, neither of them moved. Then Cas let out a quiet, desperate sound and Dean… He wasn’t strong enough to stand against that. 

His lips moved on their own accord, and his tongue flicking out and into the heat of Cas’ waiting mouth. Dean felt his body almost shake with the sensation of it all. That’s when Cas regained his senses. He pushed his entire body flush against Dean, making him stumble back until he hit the door. 

Cas moved his hands everywhere, he kissed eagerly and without experience, but he let Dean take the lead and learned fast. Cas tasted of beer and alcohol, but once Dean had given in he couldn’t seem to stop. His arms wrapped tighter around those shoulders, pulling him closer and he kissed as if he wanted to wash away the taste of Cas’ night until all he knew was the taste of Cas. 

Dean suddenly became aware of the hard pressure against his thigh and he suddenly snapped back into reality. 

There was nothing he wanted more than to explore, to do something about Cas’ hard cock. Hell, he was so hard himself he could barely remember the last time he felt about ready to explode within minutes. 

With gentle hands he pushed Cas away. Confused eyes blinked up at him, mouth kissed raw and Dean felt shame wash over him. Cas was drunk for crying out loud!

Dean lifted a nervous hand to run across his face. Cas stared up at him with vulnerability written all over his movements. It just made him feel even worse. He shouldn’t do this, and being the actual adult, he should know better than taking advantage, especially when Cas was drunk. What a mess. 

“Cas, you should get some sleep.”

“What?” He looked genuinely confused and Dean had to smile at that. 

“I’m sorry. But it’s late and you’re drunk. Time to sleep.”

Dean tried to keep the tremble in his voice to a minimum. He still felt like he were fighting against himself and all he really wanted was to throw himself at the boy in front of him, push him hard against the wall and have his way. The force of his feelings and his want made Dean almost a little frightened of himself. 

Thankfully Cas wasn’t hard to convince. It was early morning and the guy was tired. He hesitated by the bedroom door. Turned around to look at Dean. 

“Dean…?” 

It was clear he wanted to ask something, say something more and Dean wasn’t sure he could take it if he wanted to ask him to stay. 

“Go sleep, Cas. I’ll see you in the morning.” He said. 

 

Back upstairs Dean paced the room, running hands through his hair repeatedly. He needed a shower, a cold one to take care of his problem. 

Dean didn’t bother with sleep after his shower. Instead he made coffee and waited for a somewhat acceptable time to wake up Sam. 

His brother answered the phone after the fourth ring. 

“Dean?”

“Sam, it’s me. I’ve… fucked up.” He breathed.


	7. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the infrequent posting.   
> Life has demanded that I do adult stuff. Things that don't involve a nice writing sesh, sadly. I have to apologize again and in advance if anyone is still reading this, because it may be a while between chapters. I will still write, but not as much as I would have liked. 
> 
> At least I got a new one for you here :)

Dean had never been afraid of facing up to his mistakes. He thought maybe it came because of the way their father had handled his own problems. 

This time, Dean wanted to run. To make sure he didn’t have to see Cas straight away he made an appointment in town early in the day, and intended to spend his day away. 

It was cowardly, he knew, but he could not prepare for whatever might happen if Cas came up for breakfast. Which he always did after he had been drinking. 

Sam had given him an earful, like Dean knew he would. He needed to hear it, to clear his head some more. Lisa was still his girlfriend, but clearly he was shit at doing the right thing. 

 

Cas texted him, asking him where he was and Dean said he had some business to take care of, and that he should go upstairs and have pancakes. 

He couldn’t help himself. Cas looked like a beautiful mess whenever he emerged from his room with a hangover. Dean would tease him for his misery, but he always made him pancakes with lots of bacon and Cas would look a little less ashen when he had a few pieces. 

Sam met up with him later that day for lunch. He just stared at Dean and shook his head. 

“I knew this would happen. He’s just your type and you can’t help yourself.”

“I do too! It’s just… He came on to me, man, and I snapped.”

“Of course he did! He’s crazy about you, and he’s drunk. He would be an idiot if he didn’t try.” Sam rolled his eyes and huffed. 

“You need to fix this, Dean. By that, I mean, you have to talk to him.”

Dean pursed his lips together. He couldn’t talk to Cas about this. It would go over terrible! Sam got up after their lunch, which he insisted that Dean paid for. He added a serious lecture about Lisa and how this was unfair to her and eventually Dean told him to back off. 

“Sam, just stop it, man. Whatever you are telling me is not news to me! I know I screwed up I didn’t ask you to spell it out for me.” He hissed and Sam raised his hands. 

“Fine. So long as you talk to Cas, I’m not even going to say a word.” Sam finished. Dean seriously doubted it.

 

Opening the door to his place Dean immediately noticed Cas sleeping on his couch. His stomach turned unpleasantly. What was he supposed to do? 

Cas’ hair was getting longer, it was a mop of soft locks. Dean could still remember the feel of that hair between his fingers. Cas mouth was slightly parted as he slept and Dean had to tell himself to stop staring like some creepy person. 

He made his way into the kitchen and had a cup of coffee for something to do. Standing by the window sipping the black brew he almost didn’t hear Cas shifting on the couch to get up. When he turned around he stood in the doorway looking utterly delicious. 

And that’s the moment Dean knew. That’s the moment he knew he was absolutely screwed. Because he had to talk to Cas about last night, and that would change everything. The thought of having to let Cas go, hurt something deep inside. He suddenly knew that what he felt toward Cas, might not be entirely based on attraction. 

“Hi. How are you feeling?” His voice coming out much softer than intended. 

“Uh, not too bad, considering.” Cas nodded. 

He stepped into the kitchen and reached for the cup Dean had brought out for him. Dean watched him carefully and once Cas turned to face him again an awkward silence fell between them for the first time. 

“That’s good.” Dean belatedly replied and looked out the window. 

“Dean. About last night.” Cas sounded a little nervous and when Dean looked at him he had a blush rising, but he nodded to encourage him to continue. His heart might not be all for it, but if Cas was mature enough to bring it up, then Dean would let him. 

“I… I don’t want things to get awkward. I was drunk and stupid...” He huffed. 

“It’s okay, Cas. If anything I should apologize to you. Not like I was drunk and I still let I happen.” He looked down. 

Cas wouldn’t let it go that easily and he felt bad. Dean assumed that he probably hadn’t done a lot of stupid things while drunk. Dean tried getting him to agree on moving forward and don’t let it get in their way. 

Cas looked somewhere between confused and sad. 

“Cas…” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I was out of line last night and… I think it would be best to let it go.” 

Cas nodded slowly. Eventually he took a deep breath and Dean felt his heart do a little jump, because this was Cas gathering courage to say something. He knew that expression. 

“I know I was drunk, but I remember everything, Dean. And I meant what I said.” He finished almost in a whisper. His cheeks turned adorably pink and his eyes wide. 

Dean had no idea how to handle this. What he wanted to do and what he should do were two very very different things. He bit his lip and swallowed hard. 

“I appreciate that you feel like that, Cas. It’s just, not going to work. I’m practically old and you should be with someone your age.” Dean hated the way Cas’ shoulders slumped and his face fall. 

“Really?” He rasped. Vulnerable and young all of a sudden. 

“Yes, Cas. I thought that’s what you did with Luke.”

“It was never anything like that with him.” Cas insisted and Dean desperately wanted him to elaborate specifically what he meant by that. Because he had said something about sex last night, only he hadn’t wanted it to happen.

“But it should be. I’m too old, and I’m with Lisa.” Dean added almost as an afterthought. 

With a defeated nod Cas said he would go downstairs. Dean watched his retreating back and he knew that things would change. And not for the better. 

 

Dean was right. Things did change. Suddenly Cas was busy all the time. He worked hard in the stables, but almost never while Dean were around. If Dean had a longer period of being around the tracks or in the stables he would be inside studying. 

Their shared meals were no longer happening and Dean felt itchy in his own skin. He got the feeling that he had done something wrong, but he also knew that he hadn’t. Because he wasn’t supposed to be with Cas, right? 

Being only nineteen years old, how could he possibly want to be with him? Dean was a grown up, in a stage of his life where he felt settled, and not where he just had a casual fling. He’d done his fair share of fucking around, and it just didn’t do it for him anymore. 

Lisa was safe. She were his age, she wanted to settle down, and her Saturday nights usually didn’t consist of going out to drink her head off. 

That didn’t explain why Dean packed a bag and drove to visit her, and once he was there they spent the entire weekend out with some of her friends, drinking and dancing. 

A part of Dean’s mind told him that he were overcompensating. But he weren’t going to listen to it. So what if he acted a little over eager. They had fun, lots of it. They had fun in her bed, in her shower, on the couch and on the kitchen counter. When her neighbors knocked irritably on the wall to get them to shut up, Lisa simply threw her head back and laughed. She looked glorious, and Dean tried really hard to bury himself and his distracted mind in her bliss. 

 

Of course it couldn’t last forever. Lisa sat him down one night as they had dinner. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love having you around, but is there a reason you came to stay here again so soon?” She stabbed a broccoli. 

“I missed you.” Dean smiled. 

She gave him a wean smile in return. 

“Fine. You do seem a bit distracted though.”

“What? I’ve been the perfect guest.” Dean insisted and she huffed a laugh. 

And he was. He didn’t make a mess, he did the grocery shopping and he even slept in her bed, so she hadn’t needed to make up the guestroom. Lisa just shook her head at him. 

“Dean. I’m not sure how to say this but… we’ve had this thing for a while and you’ve been a little on and off the entire time. If something feels wrong, I need you to tell me.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Lis.” 

For a while she didn’t say much. Focused on her food, but Dean knew it wasn’t over and his heart felt cold. Lisa wasn’t the kind of person who would let things slide. That’s part of why he liked her so much.

“Is this about Cas?”

“What? Why would anything have to do with him?”

Lisa raised an eyebrow at his frantic denying. 

“Ever since I met him he’s been frosty to put it nicely. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have said what I did. But I apologized. And you, you took his side immediately. Still do.”

Dean shrugged. 

“I just look out for him.”

“And you are supposed to do that to me. I am your girlfriend after all.”

“I am looking out for you too.” He said. 

“Yeah, but between Cas and I. He always comes first.” Lisa tried to catch his eyes, but Dean stared at his place. Knowing he didn’t have a single argument to prove her wrong. 

After a moment Lisa let out a sigh. 

“Dean. Look at me, please.” She pleaded. 

When he met her eyes she looked strangely certain. Like she’d already come to some kind of understanding he had yet to reach. 

“This… you and me, it isn’t going to work, is it?” Her eyes were a little glossy and Dean wanted to shrink down, feeling like the worst person.

“Why do you say that?” Dean watched her as she gave a smile. 

“Because of Cas. What happened between you two?”

Dean shook his head. He couldn’t believe this. Lisa were supposed to be his safe place. Instead she too had become somewhat of a reminder. 

“Lis…” 

She got up and started clearing the table. She didn’t look mad exactly, but her movements were uncharacteristically stiff as she cleaned up. The silence grew into a kind of tangible presence and when Lisa rubbed at her eyes Dean couldn’t take it anymore. 

“I don’t know what happened, Lisa. Somewhere down the line things just changed. And… and last weekend I had to go and get him from a party. We sort of… ended up… making out for a bit.” He sighed. 

 

Dean busied himself with work. He had meetings, did loads of paperwork and overlooked the trainings. He got up early each morning and worked well into the night. 

Sam tried to get him to talk, as usual. His other family members were a little weary, and as none of them knew what was really going on they didn’t know what to do either. 

Cas acted as if Dean were nothing but air. Typical silent treatment and it didn’t matter that Sam perfected it during his teenage years without getting to Dean. This time it was working. Dean were slowly losing his mind. 

It seemed he had just decided that he would not talk to Dean anymore. If they happened to meet in the hall Cas would look like a storm cloud. When Dean tried talking to him he would either ignore him or if there were other people around his answers were short and clipped. 

They noticed of course. Jo wanted to know what had happened, Jody too started to sniff around, wanting answers. She had taken a liking to the boy since day one and she did not like the recent development. 

 

Dean was at a loss to what he could do. He started to realize he needed to reach out. He had no idea how to do that with how Cas ignored him, but he needed to figure something out. It was going on two months since it all went to hell and Dean couldn’t take it anymore. Something in Dean didn’t push too hard to try and talk to him. Maybe he just knew that he needed to go about it some other way.


	8. Avoidance

Dean wasn’t proud of it but for a moment he contemplated his selection of booze. He had been in meetings all day, thanks to one of their most secure buyers who had decided to just drop out at the last minute. It had started a whole domino effect of buyers and sponsors who demanded to know the how and whys to the withdrawal. 

When something like that happened it would start rumors that something was wrong at their stables or with the horses. If Dean hadn’t been able to do some damage control, their next season could have been over before it even began.

Thankfully a new big buyer had made an offer and they were back on track. It still left Dean with a bit of a bad taste in his mouth. It wasn’t unheard of that someone made buyers back out if they wanted to damage the reputation of a competition. Dean had two new horses lined up for the upcoming seasons, both of which came from one of the biggest stallions who had raced in almost thirty years. None of its offspring had ever been as good as himself, but paired with a star of a mere they had people almost placing bets already. 

When he got back to the stables, it was only to find the ambulance parked by the race tracks and they were taking Jo away after a fall. Her leg most likely broken. Dean felt his hair turn grey and his eyes dull a little. He was tired and he almost missed how Cas sent him a concerned glance. When Dean looked up though, Cas were busy elsewhere. 

“You need me to come with you?” Dean asked Jo. 

“NO! I need you to hold my mother away. This isn’t bad, I just need a cast, so I’ll call when I need her to come get me.”

Dean rolled his eyes. 

“I can’t let you go by yourself, Jo.”

“I’m not. Cas’ll come, right?” She looked over at Cas who hovered close by. His head snapped up and his eyes landed on Dean. Jo had to call his name a second time before she got his attention. 

 

Dean found Jody after the ambulance left and she could tell him that it had been Jo’s fault for getting distracted. It wasn’t ugly, but it was a jockey down, which meant Dean had to go through interviews and trainings again. With Kevin only working part time, Jo had been the most stable of his best jockeys. He still had a few others lined up who would probably just jump up and take her place. Dean would still have to overlook everything to make sure they were in the game. 

On top of everything he had an event he needed to show up for that same evening. He hadn’t been to one in months and this one gathered all the most important people for his business. Dean simply couldn’t afford not to go. 

Sam were going to pick him up on his way so Dean showered and got ready while he watched the bed longingly. If only he could get some sleep. He felt out of sorts and strangely sad, so maybe he just felt a little heartbroken after breaking up with Lisa. Even he didn’t really believe that. Thinking about it, he didn’t miss her all that much either. 

There was a knock on the door and Dean still struggled with his shirt. 

“It’s open.” His brother had always been too punctual for his own good. 

Dean just grabbed a shirt at random and put it on. He shook a dark coat on top and made sure his hair looked alright before he stepped out into the living room. 

Cas stood uncertain by the couch, absently stroking the dog’s head. 

“Cas. Hi.” Dean stopped short in surprise. 

Cas looked like he regretted even coming upstairs and wanted to bolt. Dean swallowed and felt awkward like a teenager. 

“You’re going out.” Cas said after taking in Dean’s clothes. The disappointment in his voice were unmistakable but Dean nodded. 

“It’s this annual event hosted by our sponsors.” Dean explained and Cas nodded vaguely. 

“Do you need anything?”

“No, Dean! I don’t need anything! I wanted to see how you were. You looked bad earlier, but apparently you are going out to party so, excuse me.” Cas hissed. The dog shrank away from them and Cas just squared his jaw before going out of there and down the stairs. Dean was too stunned to react. 

Sam honked outside so Dean grabbed his jacket and locked the door. Cas was nowhere to be seen and Dean would just have to deal with that another day. 

Horse racing pulled lots of people. It usually made rich people crawl out of their palaces and Dean had enjoyed these parties once. 

Now it felt stuffy and too much, but he had to bear with it if he wanted a chance to stay on top of the competition. Sponsors mingled around, chatting with business men or women. The horses and jockeys were weighed and measured shamelessly. 

Champagne flowed the entire night, and soothing music played in the background. Finger food were served on silver platters and Dean tried to remember how many flutes of bubbles he’d downed. Sam were there alone and when Dean asked about it on the ride there he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Instead they tried to focus on work. They had to make themselves known. Let sponsors know what they were interested in, talk to buyers and exchange knowledge about the tracks and the jockeys. 

As the night progressed it turned into more dancing and less work. There was a tap on his shoulder and when he turned around he looked up at a familiar bearded face. With a laugh he raised his arms to pull the man into a hug. 

“Benny! Where in the hell have you been?” 

“Oh, here and there. Glad to be back, though.” He said gruffly, patting Dean’s back. 

They got a couple of beers, caught up and Dean was really happy about the distraction. When Sam came to say good bye Benny offered to drive him home and Dean noticed how they measured each other. 

“Dean, a word?” Sam asked. 

“What?” They stepped to the side and Dean looked up at his brother. 

“This is a bad idea, Dean.” Sam insisted. 

“Come on, we’re just catching up.”

“I know all about how you and Benny catch up, thank you very much. And this time it will make things so much worse.” Sam commented. 

Dean and Benny had a history of getting it on. They had been friends for a while when one night they had started to make out and it progressed fast. It was never serious, but through the years, they had spent a few months here and there hanging out and enjoying a kind of friends with benefits arrangement. 

Dean let Sam express his concerns before heading back to Benny. They had a couple more beers then they walked outside. 

In the darkness between buildings Benny crowded his space and kissed a trail down his neck. Dean let his head fall back and enjoyed the scratch of his beard for a while. He had missed strong, tough arms pushing him against a hard surface. It felt great, but he also knew that Sam was right. In this situation it would do no good, not if he wanted to be serious about it. 

“Benny… I’m- You gotta stop, buddy. I’m sorry.” He got out through pants. 

Benny pulled back and looked down into his eyes. 

“You seeing someone?”

“Well… It’s complicated.” Dean sighed and tried to straighten his hair a bit. Benny took a step back with a little smile. 

“Yeah? You wanna talk ‘bout it?” He said and made way to his car. 

Dean had forgotten what a great friend Benny was, so on the car ride home, he told him everything.

 

After spending half the night laughing and catching up with Benny, Dean was in a very good mood the next morning. All his troubles from the previous day, even if he knew it would leave him with more work, didn’t seem so bad. 

Benny had that effect on him. He simplified stuff, made everything feel lighter. When he headed to his office a little later than usual Dean knew he could put in the work that was needed. 

By the end of the day Dean had arranged for his new jockeys to step up. He stood by the track watching them work with Jody when Benny stopped his car in front of the house. Dean watched his sauntering toward them and appreciated the man for putting up with him even if he didn’t want to put out, so to speak. It did help that thay had been friends first, before everything else.

“Hi, brother.” Benny rumbled and a hot cup of coffee were thrust into his hand. 

“Thanks, man. What are you doing here?” Dean took a sip and let the black brew warm him up. 

Benny shrugged. 

“Just wanted to stop by.” 

Both men rested their elbows on the fence, close enough that their shoulders were touching. Benny chatted easily about everything. He asked about Dean’s work, talked about his own. He commented on the horses and he charmed Jody easy as that.

Once the training was over Dean headed for the stables, to make his rounds for the night. He checked the lists, if they still had enough food for the horses, noted that the place was clean and tidy and last he stopped by one of the stables where they had a horse with a wound on her knee. 

Dean opened the door and almost stepped on Cas squatting next to the horse. 

“Oh, sorry.” He muttered. 

Cas opened his mouth to answer, but his eyes fell on Benny and instead he glanced between them before turning back to his task at hand with a stiff back. 

“Cas, this is Benny an old friend, Benny, this is Cas.” Dean introduced them. They shook hands quickly and Dean almost ran out of there at the awkward tension. 

“How is she?” Dean asked hurriedly to shift the focus. 

“Better, but not enough.” Cas answered quietly and sat back down by her leg. 

“Do you think we need to get the vet her again?” Dean continued. 

Cas shook his head. “Not yet at least.” He got to his feet and grabbed a brush moving away from Dean. 

“Alright. I’ll… I’ll leave you to it.” 

Benny didn’t say anything until they stopped by his car. 

“So that’s the complicated situation, huh?” He said with a little grin. 

Dean stared at his coffee. 

“Hey, man I’m not judging you. He obviously has some feelings too. You gotta work out something.” Benny added. 

“I know. Its… I’m not sure I know how.” Dean murmured. 

“Cheer up, buddy! If looks could kill, I most certainly would be dead right now, so if you play your cards right, this will end very happy for you.” Benny said on a laugh. 

“Oh shut up, idiot!” Dean punched his shoulder. 

“Whatever man. I’m telling you. Don’t wait too long to tell him I’m simply your friend.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go away now. Thanks for the coffee.” Dean raised his cup in goodbye. 

 

Benny started hanging out at his place for a bit. Being in the stables, joking around with Dean. Cas got even quieter, and glared daggers at them. Dean tried not to act too close with Benny, he didn’t want Cas to think they were anything but friends. He knew it looked like they were closer, because they knew each other too well. 

“I talked to Cas downstairs.” Benny said one afternoon. Dean’s tv was playing a crappy show and Benny lay sprawled out on his couch, scratching behind the dog’s ear. 

“Yeah?” Dean poured coffee in his cup. 

“He’s not very fond of me, is he?”

“I don’t know. He haven’t talked to me in a while.”

“Well, you ought to. He feels rejected.”

Dean turned around. 

“He said that?”

Benny huffed a laugh. 

“Of course not. But that’s what he feels.” 

Benny looked big and manly in every way possible, but Dean didn’t know anyone besides Sam perhaps, who were softer. This man would detect your mood and find the reason behind it even if nobody said anything directly. Dean trusted his judgement, even if he didn’t always like that he put his nose in his business.

“You shouldn’t keep nosing around him.”

“I know, but you are miserable too. I know I could help you with that, but I respect your choice.” Benny raised his arms disarmingly when Dean started to protest. 

“Dean… I know you haven’t been serious with anyone, not really. Just go for it, be honest and tell him. He is young, and he needs someone to give him a push.”

Dean bit his upper lip and his heart started beating faster. He felt so stupid for acting like a teenager, but Benny was right. He’d never really been involved in anything serious, and now that he wanted to, everything felt out of his control.


	9. Before the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the long wait. I said I wouldn't abandon the story, and here I am. Life has been crazy busy, but it is finally slowing down. Hope you like ;)

Dean had no idea how to approach things. Days went by, he tried talking to Cas but was met with silence or curt words.

As the year came closer to the end, Dean knew it was a matter of time before they would take a little break, the crew would go home to their families and things were calm. When things started up again after the New Years Eve everything would be focused on the upcoming season. 

Before Christmas Dean and Sam would have a staff meeting with a party. They all spent an hour or so planning the next year, then they ate together and had a private party at their house. 

Dean usually cooked and this year was no different. He looked around the table, at his people enjoying food, talking and laughing. They drank beer or wine, and eventually there would be music playing and they would start to dance. 

Cas was a part of their crew now. He’d found his place and it seemed he had settled comfortably with the people around him. Even if he kept his distance to Dean he still looked like he enjoyed himself. He really got along with Jo who had come jumping inside on her crutches. She were really trying to keep a brave face, but Dean knew it killed her to have to step down from her job. 

These parties tended to last a while. All of them knew each other well, they felt safe and had a lot of fun being just them. They danced, talked, played games and eventually someone would most likely fall asleep on a couch.

People slowly started to head out of there. Dean changed the music into something more classic as he started to clear the tables. Cas placed a few glasses on the counter and made way to his room. Around them the room was empty and Dean couldn’t let this go. 

“Cas? Do you mind just the few plates on the table?” He asked. Cas turned around slowly and quietly moved around the room as he brought the dirty dishes his way. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” Dean asked. 

“Sure.” Cas nodded. 

Dean bit the inside of his cheek. He needed to say something, something that would get them talking again. Dean turned off the tap and dried off his hands. 

“Can we talk?” He asked. 

Cas stopped in his tracks, looking like a deer in the headlights. He most likely didn’t want to talk, but Dean had decided he’d had enough. He needed to try something to break through this bad situation. Maybe this was a bad idea, both a little drunk, but Dean was afraid to wait longer. What if Cas went away over the holidays and just decided he didn't want to return? Dean couldn't live with knowing he might have caused that.

“I don’t know.” Cas answered after a long pause. 

“Why don’t you want to talk?” Dean asked. 

Cas walked past him to the sink and stood there facing away from Dean. 

“I don’t know. There’s nothing more to say.” He said. 

“Obviously there is, Cas. Something went wrong even if we talked about it not getting weird.”

Cas shrugged. 

Dean wanted to snap, to be angry at Cas for acting so childish, refusing to talk to him and making this difficult. He recognized that this probably were all on him, so he would have to step carefully. Benny had said that Cas was young, and inexperienced. Which would mean that Dean had to be the bigger man and make it happen. 

“Cas, listen – I want you to tell me if I did something to upset you.” Dean watched him carefully. Cas shrunk into himself. 

“I want to make it right.” Dean added, trying to make eye contact. 

Cas looked up at that, some of the fight coming back to his eyes. 

“Dean, it’s – “ He let out a loud huff. 

For a long moment neither of them said anything. Cas swirled a glass and Dean kept quiet in the hopes that Cas would eventually continue. 

“I told you.” Cas said quietly. 

“What do you mean?” Dean frowned. 

Cas pursed his lips tightly together before turning to face Dean. 

“I told you about that night. What I felt. And you don’t so…”

“I don’t, what?” Dean was a little confused. 

“You don’t feel the same way!” He yelled. 

“I ran away from home because they were trying to make decisions based on what they thought were the best. And then- then you go and do the same. I told you I wanted to kiss you, but you didn’t want it.” Cas almost screamed. When he was done his voice died down and Dean took a step closer. Cas shook his head and moved to put a chair behind them. Dean ignored the stinging in his chest. Cas had the right to put some distance between them if he wanted. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How could I know that? You kept telling me you were too old, and that I should be with someone my age.”

Dean pushed a hand through his hair a little desperately. Cas looked about ready to bolt.

“Well, I… believe that the age gap should mean something.” 

Cas stared at the table.

“It doesn’t to me.” He whispered. 

Dean held in a deep breath, watching Cas as the boy stared intently at the space between them. He didn’t move away, and the weariness made Dean sit down on the edge of the table. 

“Cas, I… It is a little complicated. I don’t want it to be, but I took you in, I don’t want to feel like I took advantage of you.”

Cas let out a breath, but didn’t meet his eyes. 

“I really, really wanted the same thing you did.” Dean murmured softly. 

That had Cas looking up, something flashing in his eyes, uncertainty, vulnerability. 

“You did?” He whispered. 

Dean nodded slowly. 

“But, you said…” 

“I know, I really did think that’s what was right. And I am sorry for making it feel like I made decisions over your head.” 

 

They let the rest of the dishes behind and walked upstairs to Dean’s place. Cas sat down on the couch, happily greeted by the dog. Dean placed two glasses and the bottle of wine he’d brought from the party. 

He didn’t intend to do anything more than talk and catch up. Hopefully try and fix some of the mess he made of the situation. A smile fluttered quickly across Cas’ face when Dean said he’d broken up with Lisa, and Dean tried not to acknowledge how his heart skipped a beat.

Dean didn’t doubt that they had gotten to know each other quite well over course of the months since they met. It was clear in the way they easily found back to their old habits of talking. 

A crappy show played in the background, the cat had crawled into Cas’ lap while the dog warmed their feet like a rug. Cas told him about school, what was going on and how much work he had before he could take Christmas break. They talked about his parents, and how he didn’t want to go see them, even if they had asked him. He might spend a day or two with his friend, though. 

Dean didn’t have anything big planned on Christmas. He knew he was more than welcome at all of his friends. He didn’t consider them family for nothing. Usually on Christmas eve, Dean and Sam spent time alone. At least they did so long as both were single. Dean hadn’t talked to Sam about it this year. By the looks of it, Sam probably wouldn’t have a girlfriend when Christmas rolled around this year either.

The bottle of wine shrunk surprisingly fast, Dean felt a comfortably drowsy. He felt content, and a little tingly as the silence fell and their hands brushed against each other. Dean pushed his hips forward to sink deeper into the cushions and as he did he turned his head to watch Cas. 

Blue eyes stared into his, and suddenly he had a lapful of the boy, their lips meeting in an uncoordinated kiss. The eagerness and a slightly dizziness from the wine had Dean relaxing into it, letting it happen. His hands came up to rest on Cas’ hips and his head rested against the pillows. 

Cas wriggled his hips a little, like he wanted to get even more comfortable. His hands explored and Dean felt like everything around them didn’t matter. He could sit there all night, just letting Cas do what he wanted. This felt like a boy out to discover, to try everything he’d ever thought or wanted and Dean would gladly sit back and let Cas have his way. 

He was getting hard. Oh, how could he not. The way Cas' hands moved almost as of their own accord. Touching his hair, then down his face, carefully wandering along his neck do his shoulders, where he stopped and let out a quiet whimper. 

Cas’ lips were soft and moving eagerly. He was no doubt inexperienced, but his innocence came across as endearing and to be honest it made Dean feel weak in the knees. 

It felt a little like he shouldn’t be doing what they did. At the same time, he knew he would not let go until Cas did. 

The moment Cas felt Dean’s hardness pressing up against his ass, he froze. He didn’t pull back, simply lowered his head to rest against the side of Dean’s face. Cas took a shuddering breath and then he moved his hips just a little bit. Almost like an experiment. And Dean let out his breath in a rush of air. His eyes screwed closed at the sensation running through him when Cas did it again. Dean’s hands tightened around his hips, moving closer to his ass, to help him move and push down to meet his hips.

“Dean. I want…” Cas whispered desperately. 

“Tell me. Tell me what you want, Cas.” Dean murmured back, his heartbeat erratic.

Cas sucked in a breath and a shudder ran through him. He came back to kiss Dean again, and he was learning fast. It was a little more coordinated, not so wet anymore and Dean felt his tongue move with a little bit more intent. 

“Cas, tell me.” Dean urged and pulled back a little bit to look at him. 

He made a beautiful sight. His eyes blown wide, kiss swollen lips and his cheeks rosy and perfect. He looked a little unfocused, but at the same time had all his attention zeroed in on Dean. 

“Anything you want.” Dean whispered with a little smile and Cas ducked his head down. 

“I just… I want to – uh. I want to see you.” He stuttered and Dean was determined to make Cas say what he wanted. It was just too endearing to watch him force the words out. Because Cas wanted this, and Dean desperately wanted to hear him say the words. 

Dean pulled his shirt off and Cas’ eyes strayed down his chest, to his nipples and down toward the hairs leading down into his jeans. His hands weren’t far behind, moving experimentally across his chest and down his stomach. It send a ripple of sensation and lust through Dean’s body. 

Dean wanted badly to be able to touch too. To feel warm skin against his own, and make Cas feel good, just from his hands. Dean wanted all of it, but he sat back and let Cas do what he wanted. 

Cas acted almost shy at first. He clearly wanted to touch and explore as he carefully let his hands flutter across the skin. Dean watched him as Cas’ face flushed attractively, his eyes came up to meet his in just a blink of an eye.   
It seemed Cas couldn’t sit still, his hips moving in short thrusts. He pushed forward and kissed Dean’s chest, his breathing coming fast and hands squeezing around Dean’s bicep. 

Being with someone, Dean had always made it his mission to make sure his partner felt good. He wasn’t a selfish lover, and he loved being able to watch the other person enjoy themselves. Cas tested his limits now. Dean felt on the verge of coming, and his feelings toward the younger man made him want to turn the tables. He wanted to push him down into the pillows, get him undressed and have his way with him. 

With conscious effort, Dean took a deep breath and reminded himself that if things continued he might get a chance to do that eventually. The thought sent a thrill through his body and he reached forward to pull Cas into a kiss.   
After a while Cas pulled back looking at Dean with his eyes almost sparkling and his lips wet and tempting. 

“Come here.” Dean murmured and pulled Cas’ t-shirt over his head. The boy didn’t move, so Dean carefully opened the button on his jeans and noticed how Cas’ eyes followed his every move. Pushing his hips up to try and get his jeans off had Cas uttering a gasp and Dean couldn’t help but grin. 

They moved awkwardly, but eventually both had gotten out of their jeans and Dean also removed his briefs. Cas stared and Dean wondered if this was the first time he’d actually seen another man naked and turned on in front of him. 

He didn’t mind the staring, he liked the compliment of someone not able to take their eyes away. When Dean reached out Cas scrambled to get back in their previous position. Suddenly he moved like fireworks. His hands all over, and his kisses more desperate. 

Dean got lost in it, let his head fall back again as his hands moved slowly from Cas’ back, down to his hips and ass and then back up again. Cas shuddered and pulled back breathing heavily. For a moment he looked a little lost, as if he tried to figure out how to proceed. His eyes flickered with nerves for a moment and his breathing picked up while he stared into Dean’s eyes.

“It’s okay.” Dean whispered and Cas took a steadying breath, calming himself somewhat. 

Dean took advantage of it and spun them around until Cas lay down on the pillows. He stared up at Dean with his eyes wide and young all over again and Dean dipped down to follow the line of his jaw. 

He didn’t give him a chance to think or worry. If Cas showed sign of regret, Dean really hoped he would have stopped, but he felt intoxicated with the smell and feel of Cas between his thighs. 

Dean lined his hips up with Cas’ and slowly started to move in a rhythm. It wasn’t much but Cas gasped and took a firm grip around Dean’s back. 

“Dean, I want… ah, I – I want to feel you.” Cas breathed and Dean almost bucked down at the sound of him. They both scrambled to get Cas’ last bit of clothing off. 

Being with Cas like this had Dean feeling out of his depth, his body vibrated and he couldn’t control his breathing anymore. Cas uttered quiet little gasps and whimpers when the hard length of Dean lined up with his. There was just no way Dean could make this last. He wished it could be better, calmer, but they were both on the edge already. He spit into his hand and wrapped it around both their cocks and started to move. 

He had barely moved at all before Cas let out a soft scream and came in hot pulses over Dean’s hand. Dean kept moving and tightened his grip just so and once Cas was seated and lax he thrust a few more times and let go too. 

 

Getting up from the couch Dean felt a little dizzy. He wiped them off and told Cas to follow him into the shower. Cas looked tired and spent, like they’d been doing much more than what had went down. But if Cas really hadn’t been experimenting much, it would probably be big enough for him. 

Dean helped him rinse off and kissed the side of his head. 

“You staying here tonight?” He muttered into that dark hair. He just wanted to hold on to him, feel him close for as long as possible. 

“Sure.” Cas nodded.


	10. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um... this chapter is pretty much all NC-17. I am upgrading it to explicit so you're going on at your own risk.
> 
> XX(X)

Dean was gaining consciousness slowly. He felt warm and heavy, lying in his bed. Taking a deep breath, he smiled to himself, tightening his arms around the lanky body next to him. 

Cas had stayed the night, and by the feel of it was still out of it. Dean couldn’t begin to describe how happy he were that things finally turned around. Debating with himself if he should get up or wait until Cas woke he took a glance at the clock. It was still early, but Dean wouldn’t get more sleep and carefully extracted himself from behind Cas. 

Dean splashed water in his face and grabbed a t-shirt before he trailed into the kitchen for his coffee. He made breakfast and hummed to himself as he chewed a strip of bacon and flipped pancakes. 

When Cas emerged some time later he sat down on his usual stool. Dean poured him a cup of coffee and somehow the day started out comfortable and relaxed, just like any other weekend morning. Exactly the same scene were already familiar to them. Dean often made pancakes for breakfast and Cas joined him. 

Even if it felt comfortable Dean knew they needed to talk about things, know a little bit about what they expected. This far, misunderstandings had been too easy to stumble on and Dean didn’t want that to continue. Know he had been the one to push Cas away Dean decided to talk like an adult and make sure Cas knew exactly where Dean stood.

 

Christmas came and went in a rush of parties and food. Sam and Dean spent Christmas Eve together, and Cas joined them. Sam didn’t ask and Dean didn’t tell him, but it felt right, better than before and Dean knew that he could make this work as long as he made an effort the way Cas deserved. 

So he held back. They hung out almost all the time. Cas worked the stables and Dean had long hours in his office or in meetings or in the stables. They had dinner together and sat down watching movies or lazily making out. 

Dean enjoyed letting Cas explore. His hands wandered over his body, searching and touching. His kisses grew bolder and he moved on top of Dean in slow rolls of his hips. He knew Cas wanted to move forward, and so Dean let go a little. They got undressed sometimes, got off on rubbing up against each other, slick and hot. Then they progressed to blowjobs, and for weeks Cas eagerly learned every trick there was. 

Cas got as good as he gave of course, but he turned out to be very eager on the task and Dean didn’t complain. 

In the beginning it seemed like Cas didn’t even realize that Dean had made a conscious choice, that he weren’t going to go all the way with Cas until they both were absolutely ready for it. But after a while Cas started hinting at it and Dean kept dodging it. 

They had both agreed to take it slow, and they were still getting off so Dean wouldn’t say it was little what they did. And in all honesty, he was a little bit relived things moved slowly. 

Dean might have hooked up with other guys, and Benny in particular, but it had never meant anything before. It wasn’t until he found himself interested in Cas that he started thinking that sex really mattered. Like it mattered more than just to feel close to someone. That’s what he told Cas one night when he finally asked. 

“Dean.” He sounded impatient as he whispered into Dean’s collarbone. 

“What?” Dean rolled his hips and gained a shuddering breath. 

“Why… I mean, can we…” He swallowed and Dean let his hands run down Cas’ back. He felt warm and a little sweaty. They had been going on for a while and Dean felt on edge and about ready to move this along. 

Making out usually led to them undressing and usually Dean would be in charge and lead with sucking him off or line up along Cas’ leaking cock to get off. Tonight Cas had taken the lead, he’d spent a long long time licking and sucking Dean’s cock. His fingers had explored a little more than usual, but Dean hadn’t stopped him so Cas kept going. When he found what he were looking for Dean let out a controlled breath and Cas kissed his way up to Dean’s neck, and that’s where they stopped. 

“Tell me, Cas.” Dean repeated his earlier statement. He loved it when Cas struggled to get out what he wanted.

“I want – “ A frustrated huff, but his fingers still played carefully with Dean’s entrance and Dean felt like a king for being able to hold on.

“Why don’t we do this?” Cas asked and gave his fingers a little push. Dean was impressed at Cas’ boldness, but he enjoyed it too much to say something. 

“This what, huh? I need you to tell me, Cas.” Dean rasped. Cas whimpered and his body shook with anticipation. 

“Uh… do more. Why don’t we go all the way? God, why don’t we fuck?” Cas asked finally and Dean sighed. 

“Because… Because, you’re new to this.” Dean said. 

“So? I want to.”

“I know. I need to know we do it right this time.” He kissed Cas’ forehead. 

“But – ugh, there’s lube in the drawer if you want to play.”

Cas practically threw himself to get to the night stand. 

“Not, not all the way tonight, Cas, but some more exploring.” 

Cas grumbled, but his hands shook as he opened the cap and he was so hard, Dean didn’t think he would last no matter what they did. 

So then things got hotter. If Cas had been eager to learn how to suck dick, then he really loved playing with Dean’s ass, and even more so getting played with in return. Dean knew he couldn’t keep stalling this, and the need and tension were harder to stand up against. And neither of them wanted that, so he knew they’d take the step when they felt like it. 

 

Race season were under way and things got busier at the stable. They had training almost every day, Dean went to meetings with sponsors and owners, and they had to meet at a few charities. Cas started up his second semester and he still put in hours in the stable. 

A new routine with a much busier timeline established and it was almost only in the evenings that Dean had some time with Cas. And it was fine. They got to see each other regularly and even if it was just to sit in the same room writing papers or doing paperwork, then it was fine. 

Dean had to travel some to meet the right people before the season got started. Some had horses he wanted to look at, others offered saddles and new gear. 

When traveling Dean took his time because, if he could avoid it he didn’t fly. Lately though, he had sucked it up and booked tickets to airplanes and Sam teased him about being so eager to get home to his boyfriend. 

Dean rolled his eyes, because, okay, they might be together now, and most of their closest ones at the stable knew they had a thing. It hadn’t come as a surprise apparently, but they were still taking it slow, so they tried not making a big deal out of it around others. 

One night his plane landed a little late, he had a twenty minute drive back to his place and he debated whether he should sneak into Cas’ place to sleep there or just wake up early the next morning and wake him with coffee.   
He decided to let Cas sleep, he had school and probably needed to rest. Coming into his bedroom, though he sighed with a fond smile. Cas lay sprawled out, hair a mess and one arm dangling beside the bed where Cassie slept. Trojan had curled up next to Cas’ hip and the entire picture had Dean’s chest warming. 

Cassie woke up and padded over to Dean to lick his hand but then he curled back up and huffed. Dean undressed and sat down on the bed. He watched Cas for a long moment before he leaned down to kiss his forehead. 

“Dean?” 

Cas’ eyes opened slowly, tiny slits glinting up at him and Dean smiled. The love and happiness filling him were impossible to describe. He had felt something similar from time to time when Sam made him proud, but this was so much more. One of Cas’ hands came up to tangle in Dean’s hair and when he came too a little more he pulled Dean closer. 

“I wanted to wait up, but…” Cas sounded hoarse and tired, but he felt awake when Dean leaned down to kiss him. 

Their lips met in a hot mess, Trojan woke with an offended sound and jumped off the bed heading for the living room. Cas moved fast and wrapped his legs tightly around Dean’s hips. Both of them were hard already and Dean let his forehead fall down onto Cas’ chest with a deep sigh. 

“Come on, Dean. I need you. I need to feel you inside.” Cas said and Dean couldn’t resist. He hadn’t even asked Cas to tell him what he wanted and he were already begging him. 

Dean pulled Cas’ boxers down and without warning sucked him down to the hilt. Cas’ hips almost lifted from the bed as he uttered a rare curse. Moving further down Dean licked a careful stripe over Cas’ furled hole and he let out a soft groan. 

Cas were shaking with built up tension as Dean let his tongue swirl around the opening until he felt him start to give. Cas’ hands were everywhere, his thighs splayed wide and his cock a hard line weeping onto his stomach. 

Dean reached out for the lube and carefully inserted one finger. Tight and hot around his finger he didn’t take long before he added another. 

“I – uh… I thought about you earlier, and – then I opened myself.” Cas panted and Dean had to place a hand around his own dick to calm down. The image of Cas fingering himself, thinking about this was almost too much. 

“I wanted you to fuck me, so bad.” He almost sobbed and Dean drove his fingers faster and harder inside. 

When Dean pulled out a while later Cas had a hand across his eyes and his breath came in short desperate huffs. 

“Look at me.” Dean whispered. 

Carefully he revealed his eyes, blue and clear staring intently at Dean. Dean kissed him, slow and deliberate. Cas shook as he held onto his knees to stay open for Dean. Slowly Dean rubbed his cock back and forth over his entrance, catching a little on his opening for every push forward, but then he retreated. 

“No, no. no.” Cas rolled his head back and forth on his pillow, desperately trying to push his hips forward, hoping for more. 

Dean felt about ready to lose it. They had gone this far before. Dean had licked him open and used his fingers, but Cas almost always came once Dean got three fingers inside. He hadn’t seen Cas this desperate and lost in it before. It was addictive and it was glorious. His hair were clinging to his forehead and curling sweaty in his neck. His cock let out a steady stream of pre come and his eyes were screwed shut. 

“Please, plea-hse.” He whispered on a sob and Dean stopped his teasing, Cas was beyond ready and this would not last at all. 

Dean placed the head of his cock in the center and Cas spread his thighs wider. It had to hurt. When he pushed forward just a little, with only half the head inside Cas opened his eyes. 

“Don’t you dare, Dean. Don’t you dare pull back.” He warned and it was so hot Dean couldn’t control the tiny snap of his hips forward. It was enough to make the head pop inside and Cas let out a loud moan. 

“You okay?” Dean muttered, distracted by the way Cas’ cock jumped and a drop of pre come pulsed out of it almost like he were coming.

“More. I need more.” Cas urged and Dean might have been holding back and working up to this for weeks, but he too had a limit. Feeling Cas tight and warm around him, seeing him completely out of it broke his resolve. In one long thrust he pushed in all the way and once he bottomed out he took a deep breath. 

He definitely hadn’t been prepared for Cas’ reaction. Usually Dean were the talkative in bed, he would ask for things, tell Cas how good he looked and Cas would blush. Now, though it was like a dam had broken and Cas rambled on. 

“Oh fuck, yeah. Feels so good, Dean. You’re so deep. Oh, god you’re deep. It’s so much, I feel so full. Come on, move a little.” He gasped and once Dean started with a few experimental thrusts Cas pressed his head into the pillow. 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god. I need more. I need – Dean, fuck me harder.”

Dean closed his eyes, feeling close just from being inside of Cas, but determined to give him what he wanted. 

Cas kept on rambling, telling Dean how good he felt, how full and how bad he wanted this. Dean’s thrusts felt staccato because holding back his pending orgasm took all of his focus. 

“I’m gonna come. I can’t – oh, fuck, FUCK, it’s too good. Harder Dean, I want to come with you filling me up.” And Cas was going to be the death of him if this was how he acted once he let go. Dean didn’t know where it all came from, but damn it was hot.

Dean placed his elbows on each side of Cas’ head, kissing his lips in a surprisingly soft kiss. 

“You ready? You wanna come on my cock as I fill you up?” Dean muttered into his ear and Cas nodded desperately, moving his hips feebly and Dean finally let go of the last shreds of care. His hips snapped forward in a hard punishing rhythm, Cas screamed out and tightened so hard around Dean he could barely move. Dean pushed in hard one, two times and started to come. He tightened his hold on the other man who were starting to go lax and he kissed him over and over as he emptied himself deep inside this person who had come into his life and turned it upside down. 

If Dean had been braver, he would have told him he loved him. That’s not something he did, but he kept peppering kisses on his face as they both came down. Dean felt like his world had shifted, he never even knew sex could be an experience like this. And here he was, about to confess and reveal his deepest emotions.


	11. How it should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny little thing to wrap it up. Should have put it in with the last chapter, but it got its own... 
> 
> Thank you for reading and responding, it makes it worth while ! :D
> 
> xo - til next time <3

All of a sudden the race season were upon them and they were busier than ever. The horses were prepped, they carefully drove from race to race and by the time they were halfway through the season Dean felt exhausted.   
In a good way. Because, much like predicted they did good this year. The horses were well trained and a good breed. They were never further down than fifth place with either of the horses and by the sixth race, they had won three times. 

Dean traveled a lot back and forth. If the drive was far, then they would try and place the horses in a stable to make sure they were calm instead of driving them around too much. Cas didn’t have the opportunity to come to all of the races, but once he finished his classes he’d follow them. 

One day at the race track they were having some time to spare. They walked around and talked to people around. Dean didn’t go out in the public area, but a lot of reporters, journalists or people working directly with the race were familiar to Dean. After being in the game for years, he knew those who came back year after year.

Cas opted to go and find something for them to eat while Dean sat down chatting to people in suits. It wasn’t long before they were checked up by a couple of journalists and one of them sat down across from Dean, starting a conversation about the money and the horses. 

Usually they had to arrange for an interview beforehand, but that was usually if they were doing a portrait or something bigger. This was more like chatting, and Dean could already tell this man wasn’t on his usual field of expertise. 

Dean didn’t really focus, he was tired and about ready to call it a day. When he saw Cas coming toward them with his hands full of a plate with burgers and beers he smiled. He got up to help him put the plate down and he wanted to lean forward and kiss him behind his ear, but instead he muttered about having to finish the talk before they could eat. 

Cas looked frozen in place and Dean glanced from him to the man across the table. 

“Castiel?”

“Dad? What… What are you doing here?” Unconsciously Cas took a step closer to Dean and the movement didn’t go unnoticed. 

“I’m doing my job.”

Cas looked so confused and young all over again. 

“What about you?” The man asked. 

“I’m here with Dean. You don’t work here.” Cas added. 

The man in front of them smiled, looking uncertain between them. Dean braced himself for hurtful comments or an argument about the situation. Instead he chose to go for small talk instead.

“No, I had to take the job because Kenneth dropped out at the last minute.”

The silence fell between them, Cas stared at the ground while his father kept studying him. 

“Castiel…”

“No, I’m not coming with you.” Cas said with a force Dean hadn’t heard him use before. 

His dad gave a sad smile. 

“I know. I only wanted to say that if you ever wanted to come by, we’re there.” He finished. 

Cas bit the inside of his lip while he took in what his father told him. After a moment he nodded and said that maybe he would come by some day. 

 

Later that night as they lay in bed at the hotel Cas rolled over on his stomach and traced a pattern on Dean’s chest. 

“He never wanted to kick me out. It was my mother who couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. Too afraid what other’s might think if they knew.” Cas said quietly. 

“I’m sorry she did that.” Dean kissed his forehead. 

“Yeah, but imagine if she hadn’t. I never would have met you.” Cas huffed and Dean had to admit, that thought did not sit well with him. 

“Are you going to go home to see them?”

“I guess. There’s still a lot of my stuff there which I should get at least.” Cas sounded uncertain, but in a way that told Dean he actually wanted to see his family, despite their differences. Dean could understand that. He had grown up with a difficult relationship to his father, but he still loved him. 

 

Six years later

Dean never thought his life would look like it did at the moment. He was a businessman, a player, and a loner. That’s what he used to think of himself. 

These days he was a businessman out of the three. He had kept to one man for the last few years and he definitely was no loner. Cas had moved back into Dean’s place, and they had restored the space downstairs to have bigger living space. 

Trojan and Cassie still lived happy lives at their place, and Dean had taken in one more dog, she was named Luis. They had two more kittens, both of which Trojan had put in their place, and neither dared to come upstairs with her there. 

On a normal weekday their house would be somewhat quiet, but on the weekends staff and friends would file into their house, eat their food and walk around in their shoes. Dean kept grumbling about it, but Cas never closed the door on anyone and Dean never said no to Cas. 

Cas were just about to graduate, their horses did well in races and Dean was happy. Like truly happy. His job was important, but never as much as his family and friends. 

During these years Cas had moved out for almost a year when they went through a rough patch. Dean had been miserable while Cas had taken some time to figure out his life, living on campus. He didn’t push him and when he still came to the stables to work and even crashed at Dean’s place it didn’t feel final. But it was hard stepping back, letting Cas move at his own pace, figuring out what he really needed to do in his life. 

Dean would deny it until the day he died, but when Cas came knocking on his door, standing there with his bags in his arms and a tiny little kitten sticking its head out from one of them, he had cried. And that’s when the words came too. Those three little words. 

“I love you.”


End file.
